Kuwait's Confession Box

Confession 76 – Can’t There Be An Exception?

In Confessions on August 13, 2010 at 8:28 AM

I grew up being told that I was an evil person, that I was cruel and mean. I grew up getting blamed for every bad thing that happened in our house (most of the time I had nothing to do with it). Not my siblings.. Me. Always me.
And if you keep hearing something over and over again, eventually you start believing it. For 15 years I believed that I was a cruel and mean person who wasn’t worthy of anything.

It wasnt until I grew a little older that I started thinking maybe I wasn’t as bad as my mom made me out to be. Everyone else appreciated me, and everyone else told me I was a good person.

‘Ya wylch mn alah’ I keep hearing her say without knowing what I did to deserve god’s wrath.

And now as I finally reach the age of 22 I realize why my mom had so little faith in me. It was because she saw so much of my dad in me, and she hated that because she hated him. I, however, didn’t… because my dad is my role model. And because of what my mom did, I will never love her half as much as I love my dad.

The prophet once said ‘Ommk thumma ommk thumma ommk’… But can’t there be an exception?

  1. i dont blame you. bs shes still your mom.. try talking to her, it might change her mind?
    try being there when she needs you w by that she’ll get closer to you.. maybe she had issues with your dad but u have to change her opinion feek so try your best w allah m3ak.

  2. Ana weyach mu wayed b3ad 3an ba3ath! We are of the same age ou y3ne you could say we hhave the same problem.. I have a good news for you, you dont have to love her! You just have to be good to her ou ask about her ou y3ne lathaygeenha ou bas! Allah didnt ask us to love them he asked us not to say “uff” and to be good to them and do whatever they say to us.. Bas makoo walaa mukan aw 7adeeth aw ayshay yigool ina we have to love them!! Ana shwaya miltizim ou ma7ib agaser bdeeni bshaghla ou kan 3endi wayeed mishakil ma3a ahali bas il7imdelah y3ne ga3ed at7amalhum ou ga3ed abtisim wasawe ili yabouna! Bas 9ij ma7is ina a7ib ahali ou thats okay.. One day beykoon 3indina 3yaal ana weyach ou we’re gonna make sure inhum may7isoon nafs ma7asaina 9a7?! Btw intay ilwa7eeda ili 7a6ait laha comment bhal website li’ana salfitich ilwa7eeda ili a7is laha ma3na ou 9ij mi7taja a7ad yisa3dich! Believe me i get what you’re saying ou 9ij a3aref shu3oorich!! Just wanted to let you know ina you’re not alone;)

  3. I hope everything turns out for you and as for your mum.. well you just gotta think about what your dad has done to her to make her hate him, try to interrogate her and find out. If she hates him for no reason and thinks you’re like him then just show her the opposite!! Don’t act like your dad infront of her and hopefully she’ll change her ways with you, or try showing her the good deeds of your dad, his good side. Either way, good luck and may God be with you.


  4. @ lactosuria:
    u need 2 lay off the pipe.

    Dear confessor,
    My advice to u is the exact opposite of what that guy said. Why be a coward and not be urself infront of her. She is ur mom and u will be seein her alot.
    What sounds most logical 2 me is that u have a heart 2 heart talk with her and lay it all out and clarify that ur not ur father and ur still her flesh and blood.

    What do ur siblings think of this?

  5. SS: I’ve tried talking to her about this, I’ve tried opening up and telling her how I feel. I feel like i’ve tried everything but it’s no use and it changes nothing.

    Bo Bader: Your comment made me feel so much better. Not only that but it made me realize how right you are.. 9a7 kalamek I don’t have to love her. Still it hurts because I want to, she’s my mother afterall, but I just cant. You were also right about learning from all this for my own kids. Thanks for your help

    Lactosuria: I can’t pretend I am someone I’m not. I dont WANT to. I like the person I am, even if my mother doesnt.

    Dr.. : Like I said previously, I have had a heart to heart talk with her, and it’s useless. My siblings don’t want to get into this situation because they have nothing to do with it. They’re not taking sides nor do I want them to take side because this is between me and my mother.

  6. I always believed that I act my way not react to what people do to me. But we are humans after all and it’s hard to keep this desiplen all the time as we get hurt sometimes and loose control. Dr. Zhivago advice is very reasonable as it could help in changing her mind . And if it did not it will atleast clear ur heart toward her and that will make you feel better and the anger in ur heart will hopefully go. Once u get over ur anger u will be incontrole and treat ur mother good o at this point u will treat her ba9lik o ur good heart not as a reaction of her past treatment .

    I want to remind u of something : people are not the same in their ability of handdling thier problems . Ur mom had projected her anger toward ur dad on u and that is because she is not strong on the other hand u have overcome the fact that ur were raised told u r bad and choose to see the real u and stand for ur self and live and treat people as a good man . U r strong and u r lucky to be one. So try to forgive ur mom because she is weak and don’t dig in to the past . Concentrate on ur self being good and ignore ur surrounding eventually it will vanish .

    O always remember el 3afw 3ind el magdira and only strong people are capable of forgiving

    Good luck

  7. sa7 lsanch ya laloona

  8. I believe that behind every troubled person is a troubled relationship with that person’s mom! She may not be the best person to be around, but trust me u won’t start feeling better until u forgive her, move on, and start being civil with her. As a lot of ppl pointed out, you really don’t have to love her, you just need to respect her.

    I might’ve had it much easier than u did, but I too suffered as a result of my fucked up relationship with my mom. Now that we’re starting to have a somewhat normal relationship, I’m starting to feel happy for the first time in a very long time.

    Hating someone consumes a lot of energy, and hating a person that will always be around is even much more consuming. By forgiving your mom you’ll be doing yourself a favor, and only then will you actually believe that you are a good person indeed.

  9. @ everybody:
    i rly like this site to the point of checkin it twice a day waitin 4 new comments or posts.

    This has been very sluggish and annoying. If u feel like i do or even feel that im retarded let me hear u too.

  10. I know how do you feel!
    believe me! ana akthr w7da fl dnya that fights with her mum! I say alot of cruel stuff to her that i end up regretting!
    you know!
    work it out with her
    she’s your MOTHER!
    wallah there is no mother on this whole planet that doesn’t LOVE her children!
    9dgeeni akeed hye mb 7asa b3mrha! once you tell her what you’re feeling she’s gonna feel really guilty and she’ll stop !
    that what happens to me akthr shy when mum does something ‘3l6! a’3lb el times ma tkoon 7asa b3mrha walah!
    ur mum would never want to hurt you on purpose ! & akeed she wasn’t planning to do this to u nor make u feel this way!
    all u need to do is to TALK TO HER ABOUT IT!
    tell her how you feel & explain it to her!
    9dgeeni you’ll feel much better once you let this out
    and at the end
    la tgooleenli sister la tgooleen cousin la tgooleen husband la tgoolen best friend!
    ur mum will ALWAYS be there for you! no matter what you do! she’ll always love you

    mm that’s my point of view!
    hope I was helpful ! and sorry itha klami ma 3jb anyone :Pp

  11. 3la rasy simplya hathy aln9e7a wla balash

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