Kuwait's Confession Box

Archive for the ‘Confessions’ Category

Confession 89 – I’m a Coward

In Confessions on February 4, 2011 at 3:08 PM

First time I saw her I had a crush on her. That was 6 years ago when we were 12.
Now 6 years later my crush has developed as I also have developed and went through puberty. I have real feelings for her now, not just a ‘crush’. But she doesn’t even know it. She’s friendly, Kind, lovely, fun, smart and beautiful. Only problem is I’m a coward. I’ve been a coward all my life. More shy than coward I suppose.
Now in our final year in school I have no idea what to do. These final upcoming months will probably be the final moments i ever see her again. I regretted not doing anything in 6 years, but now is the time to do something atleast! I do not wish to force her to like me! I only wish for her to know me, recognize me, remember me! Atleast I want her to befriend me 😦

And if i ever wanted to do something I can’t just tell her my feelings or ask her out this is kuwait, we live in a fucked up society. But I can maybe develop something with her!

Please give me advise, your opinions, what you think of my scenario…for I have confessed, exposed myself to the world

Confession 88 – I Want A and My Boyfriend

In Confessions on February 4, 2011 at 3:06 PM

A guys falls in love with you, and stays for two years. He doesn’t ask for anything, and will wait without wanting anything. He hadn’t told ANYONE, and he is thinking of marriage. He even talked to his mother, and for two whole fucking years you met up with him only twice without touching or kissing. He even forgave you when you talked to his friend on the phone. But will he forgive me when he finds out about A ?

A comes from a different country, he’s 5 years older than me, and we met up once and kissed. and i have met him only just for two weeks.

I love my boyfriend, i love him so much but A just drives me crazy.

I dont want to hurt my boyfriend, but A is just so tempting. A is the devil for crying out loud. He’s amazingly hot, and knows how to treat me.

No, check this out, i was the FIRST girl my boyfriend EVER talked too.

What have i become ? Im not this person. Lust made me break my values. I don’t know whether the feelings towards A are love ? or lust ?

Time will tell, and i am planning to wait. I have promised myself not to go out with A again but stay in touch.

I havent told anyone about A, so i’m here. Im just scared, i want both A and my boyfriend.

Confession 87 – Asian Expat

In Confessions on January 31, 2011 at 3:08 PM

Hi, I’m an asian expat (22) and I just wanted to share my so-called “relationship” with a kuwaiti military guy (28). I hope you guys wouldn’t be bored cause this would be kinda long.:P Anyway, I met him last Jan 2009 thru facebook. He messaged me there saying he was interested in me and if we could be friends.. so I answered back it was alright.. just friends after all. So after few weeks, we exchanged numbers and started talking a lot on phone. After another few weeks, he offered me to meet him so we could get to know each other on a personal level. I was bit skeptical cause I’m actually kinda scared of arab guys, but then I thought he seemed nice, why not meet him? So I went out to meet him. The first meeting went well just that he was kinda touchy, he would randomly take my hand and touch it. And since I’m not that comfortable with him yet I would take out my hand. So after that we have 2 other meetings, that makes it 3 meetings all in all. During the last meeting, I allowed him
to touch my hand cause I kinda like him already and we kissed. Waaah! It was my first kiss ever. I was so shocked, it happened so fast. I just hugged him and kissed him on the cheek to bid goodnight.. and then..:O

Ok this is where my dilemma started.. after few months he said he’s gonna say something important to me cause I warned him from the very start that I really hate liars and I don’t want him to keep a secret that could ruin “us”. So he confessed that it’s impossible for a kuwaiti military guy like him to marry an expat like me.. and that his family won’t allow him too. But he offered me things like “we can get a flat, i’ll pay for it and we’ll live together like husband and wife do (that of course would include sex). If I get married, I’d still come to you. I won’t let my future marriage hinder us.. that is so long you stay here in kuwait.” Oh what bulls**t!!! What was he thinking?!! I’m not a f**cked up b*tch and a potential home-wrecker!!! My heart was badly broken that time cause I was so in love with him. I thought he was the one since he was my real first love. I was so frustrated and kinda blamed myself for making myself believe that he was really the one.:( I broke up with him
cause I thought we don’t have any future. I had many plans for us, all of those turned into ashes. We stopped communicating after that.

But after a month and a half of our break up, he messaged me on facebook… asking me how I was doing and all. He said he missed me and that he still love me and wanted me back. I wondered that maybe he changed his mind and was now open to the idea of marrying me in the future, I’m not asking that he marry me immediately anyway. But then again he said he’s sticking with his “idea”. So since I still love him too.. I just gave him a condition of a “sex-free realtionship” after all we’re not getting married. So we became “lovers” again. But it was different this time cause now we’re miles away from each other.. some time after we broke up, I went back to my home country. I told him that and he said he was willing to wait til I come back to kuwait.

The problem is: if he was willing to wait for me.. why does he rarely talk to me? He would send me message like “when are you coming back?” Just that… and nothing else much. Out of my hopelessness.. I would answer “I don’t know, it might take time. If you don’t want to wait for me, just say so. I’m sure you’ve got loads of girls there while I’m not around.” But he insisted that he would wait for me. It was 3 months or so ago when he last messaged me. I feel so unloved by him anymore. I remembered what he told me that he would stay with me only if I’m in kuwait.. and I kinda have this feeling that he wanted me just for sex.:(

Please.. if you have some advice.. kindly share. Thanks in advance!

Confession 86 – Traditional Marriage Got Complicated

In Confessions on January 31, 2011 at 3:04 PM

I recently got married in the traditional way (well it’s more milcha and not zawaj) for 2 months and then we got divorced because mako na9eeb. And through this experience alot of my closest friends and my family were opposing the whole idea of divorce as the guy ma kan feeh 3aib (they couldn’t understand the fact that acceptance, chemistry and mutual attraction is essential to marriage before anything else) and i just couldn’t accept the guy. There was no chemistry, no acceptance and it’s like we were from 2 different worlds, so why waste my time and his if this marriage is a failure from the start?

I’ve had the most miserable life during my marriage and after my divorce and no one was on my side (a misfortune that accompanies girls who get divorced in kuwait). However, i have a colleague at work who i was close with even before i got married and who helped me through my ordeal and made me feel like human again and assured me that everything is gonna be alright.

After my divorce and as time progressed, we became even closer and people at our work started noticing it and they actually remarked that we make the perfect couple (age\religion\appearance\family-name wise) so i started having feelings for him but i was pretty much fighting it as things would be complicated if they developed.

Off note, let me explain how close we are. We do alot of things together, confide our secrets, and talk about EVERYTHING. Yes even his sexual desires, so there is an element of sexuality in our relationship but not physical. He admitted that he is attracted to me and that i’m his type and never failed not to mention it every once in a while. And i can say the same thing about me, that i’m also attracted to him.

However, i felt like i needed him (as a companion) as i was suffering the outcomes of my divorce. I wanted a man who i can love and care for and who would love me and care for me as i was feeling very lonely and agitated. So one day we went out, on a friendly cruise to grab a coffee and he made the most unexpected move. He kissed me so passionately as if he lifted me to another world. And i’m reluctant to admit that i loved that kiss (and felt like i needed it so desperately to reassure myself that i’m a girl who deserves to life and not be condemned to suffer).

And with him kissing me, he made things more complicated. I was pretty much fighting my feelings for him but that kiss really shattered those attempts.

Months later, I proposed the idea of us getting together to see if we can work out as a couple. We don’t have anything to lose and if things didn’t work out then we would still be around and this is basically how life goes. I didn’t tell him that i had feelings for him so that i don’t scare him away, i was approaching him from an adult’s point of view.

Sadly, he still hung up on his ex. I can pretty much say he became self destructive after their break up which happened a long time ago, so he gave up the whole idea of loving again and is actually refusing it saying: “ehya ra7at wa 5athat galby weyaha wa ana mayet wa mentehy” and it really hurt me and made me cry to see him do this to himself. Life doesn’t revolve over one person and indeed it goes on so he should explore more out of it and give me a chance to prove that life’s flower may bloom again.

I really don’t know what to do … I really want this thing to work out but don’t know how. I’m already having this urge of needing a man by my side (intimately) and i don’t wanna look outside! I’m feeling vulnerable and i don’t want this vulnerability leading me to the wrong directions. I don’t wanna say he’s the one but i wanna give it a shot with him as i think we will be great together.

Confession 85 – We Exchanged Numbers

In Confessions on January 28, 2011 at 2:31 AM

I went to London one summer and i meet a Saudi guy he was sweet and charming, he was the one. we first met in laster square we exchange numbers i didnt think he will call me but he did. we talked that night till 7 am and then we decided to go out, our offical date. we went to zumba i wore a tight red dress and he wore tight jeans and a perverted t-shirt. he was acting very weird and started drinking and i drank with him.while we were eating he was under the table!!! throw my dress,up to my thighs i was shock but to drunk to do anything, and i liked it i didnt want to stop! then we finnshed diner, and went straight to his hotel,churchil. we went up in different elevtors so people wouldnt notice. i still remember his room number it was 301. we stood infront of the door starring at eachother wondering whats gonna happen in the room, he opened the door for me and he placed his hand around me and throw me in. i fell on the floor regreting the day that i met him. he raped me and when i
woke up he was gone no bags were there and all his stuff gone. i got a call that it was check out time and i had to pay for his 2 week stay! i didnt even know the guy and if my parents new they wud kill me. i put it on my card which was for all my stay in london. I never got a call back, i called about 50 times. i saw him this summer, i didnt know what to do. he just laugh and walked away like nothing ever happened. now im damaged for life with no marriage, no life, i cant be me any more.

Confession 84 – My Dysfunctional Family

In Confessions on January 28, 2011 at 2:28 AM

I have been getting into this site and reading the confessions of all these people in Kuwait, and Even though I sometimes feel its too much to believe that all of this is happening here in Kuwait, I have come to realize that the world is not that very special place, and not everyone is happy. I have dreaded coming here many many times, but I have reached a point in my life in where I want to go to the beach, walk to the sea and drown myself, and leave all that drama behind me, I want to confess, disclose my problem, some of you will be surprised to know that my story is not that juicy like the rest of all, but I really need to let things out. so bear with me!!

I’m a 25 years old girl, from a very well known family, I live a life many girls dream about, I travel first class and stay at the best hotels, drive bentley’s and wear the best brands, to many people and associates I’m the perfect, pretty happy girl who got it all and has a very smooth life. but little did we know is that looks can be deceiving, and don’t judge a book by its cover.

I grow up among my family, my dysfunctional family, my mum and dad never really got along, my very first childhood memory was when I was a little girl of 5 or 6 wrestling with my brother when all of a sudden a fight broke down between mum and dad, fists were flying, and things being thrown at each other, not to mention the words, and between the fight we were cough in the middle and got beaten up and locked up in a room. me and my siblings have been kicked out with my father many many times from our house.

I’m sure you’ll say, that happens in every house and yes I agree, but picture this, I’m 25 right? if you calculated the amount of time I have spent with my dad over my 25 years of existence that would be an equivalent of 2 years, my father has never really been around in my life, he was always AWAY, and keeping in touch with him was like pulling a tooth. you know, he is not really the angering type, he just doesn’t care you know, I haven’t spoken to him for a very long time and you know what he does not seem to miss it. my Mum on the other hand is completely different story, after a while my dad got remarried and of course my parents got divorced, and ever since we have been the victims of that, we are to be reminded everyday of my dad’s failure and how our dad is a skump bag, liar, cheater blah blah.. we grow up almost guilty..

I dont want to ignore the fact the my mum has provided us shelter, clothing and the luxury life. and to that i’m extremely grateful and in debt to her. but I have had enough. everyday, I get to hear words and things that put me down.. I’m a very sensitive person and I love my mum so much, I have always wanted to get closer to her to establish that mother daughter bond, but I never had that. every time I try to get closer i get pushed away and yelled at. I have never heard my mum tell me a complement, never had her hug me? I get jealous from my cousins a lot because I see them have this beautiful bond between them and their parents and I don’t have that. when I was in high school at the last days during my finals I was studying an argument struck between my mum and little sister in which it has resulted with my sister running away from home, get a taxi and drive away, later we found out that she went to live with my dad which lasted for 7 years, I hated my sister and I still have
this thing against her, you know why because I have always been an A student and on that day and because of what has happened I failed my test and missed on my scholarship in which I have worked on so hard, I wanted to go in to med school, and come to think of it, I didn’t even want to study medicine, I just wanted to get a scholarship and get away from all that and because of what has happened I have lost that, and you can imagine what my life has turned into. I have grown up listening to my mum’s verbal abuse to me, till I believed them .

you know, I’m the kind of person who would toss and turn at night and would go crazy and mad if I ever had my mum angry at me even if its for a stupid reason and I tend to cry easily . when I was younger the tears used to come down my cheeks easily now they just explode from the inside. I never let it out. as a result of my upbringing I have grown up with a very shaken personality. I have went through a lot. and trust no one.

I have tried to look for love out side, I could not find it, I tried to maintain relationships, they never lasted, and even though all the 3 guys I have spoken to speak fondly of me and understand my situation I have hurt them many many times, I have lead them and took advantage of their feelings towards me but never shared them their feelings. I feel so bad, I want to love so badly , I want to fall in love and believe that life can be amazing but I can’t I can never commit and have commitment issues, I have had marriage proposals which I have turned down aggressively even before meeting the potential man, WHY? you ask! well I feel that with what I went through, things will never be easier, I’m embarrassed and worried of getting married and the get abused by my mother just like my eldest brother who is married with 3 children but has never gotten an approval from my mum. and was alway abused and felt low because of it. and I don’t want to get married with out a strong father figure
(3ezwa) they say the most important thing in marriage is having 3ezwa I don’t have that .. if I can get abused and hurt and my pride and 3ezwa is being abused everyday by my mother what will I expect from a strange man who I would allow to be my husband.

at the end, I just wanted to say, behind the big palace, with a top notch car and high class travel, herms, chanels, manolos and all the short term drugs that I’m using that take form of fashion and luxury. I just wanted to say that I’m not happy, and that I’m alone and can’t connect or really talk to anyone about this. and you know what I would trade all what I have and all the Money in the world to have an embrace from a mother and a kind gentle touch of a father. or just a family or more importantly LOVE!!

thanks a lot for hearing me out, I appreciate you all hearing me out .

Confession 83 – Lost Future?

In Confessions on January 28, 2011 at 2:26 AM

i’ve read so many stories and never thought id be cofessing here. well here i am
im not kuwaiti, but i have lived here for so many years, my friends are all kuwaiti, my family now are almost all kuwaiti and this is where im planning to live.

however, theres a secret thats traumatising me. im not a virgin, i was molested as a child back home, i lost it ..
when i think of mariage it terrifies me, now im 19, 3 guys 56eboni bs i had to reject because of my dark secret.
i love this guy and he seems to be serious about me. im afraid if i tell him about it he’ll leave or think ive been doing things, even though he knows me really well and knows that i barely go out.

my mom passed away and the only person who knows about my secret is my sister. not even dad. a7is itha i tell him, sharafa will be gone.
plus i really dont want him to know

what to do ?
i feel like noone wil be marrying me and it terrifies me to death.

Confession 82 – Victim of Incest

In Confessions on October 31, 2010 at 5:19 PM

When I was nine I was sexually abused by my older brother who was 13 at the time. Those assaults lasted for some time, until I guess he grew out of it. I never told anyone about those incidents and I just learned to try to act as if they never happened. But as hard as I tried I couldn’t stop it from messing me up.

Growing up I found myself struggling with my sexuality. Even though I think that I have homosexual preferences I keep running away from any relationship once it starts getting sexual. It’s not that I don’t like sex because believe me I like it too much for my own good, it’s sexual encounters that I fear the most. I just can’t think of sex as a result of a loving relationship, to me sex could never mix with love. Sexual encounters tainted my life, how can I choose to go there!

I’ve been living in the shame of letting that happen to me when I was old enough to just say no. Sometimes I think that I allowed it to happen because of the attention that he was given me, which I never received from anyone else. I can’t blame him without blaming myself, because I could have said no. I guess I’m just another victim of incest, or another attention whore! I’ll leave it for you to decide.

And please I don’t need anyone of you smart asses to give me some of your stupid “tough love”. When we come here to confess we expose ourselves, we’re being vulnerable and trust me the last thing that we need is you all acting as if you’re better than us because you had easier lives! Who are you to judge us based on our suffering! I guess I’m getting carried away so I’ll just wrap this up.

Confession 81 – Friend Zone

In Confessions on October 31, 2010 at 5:17 PM

I go to a Private English School, some people automatically assume that a girl that goes there is 9i3a ri7a fiha. But as we all know that is a load of bull,or at least we should.Ive never had something dramtically terrible happen to me. The worst i can say is when last year my Arabic Tutor (who works at my school and teaches my friends and who i look to as a grandmother-type)..yeah well her 73 year old husband tried to make a move on me when cornered in an elevator. Nothing happened, and im not traumatised or any of that. As sad as it is, this is kuwait, so this happens to ALL girls at one point or another, even if not exaclty like this.

At school people think im this constantly happy person, that i live a completely carefree, sadeness-free life, just because i plaster this giant smile on my face. And Im fine with that, im not the type of girl to start crying in public or whatever. Maybe thats why almost all my friends are guys. Cause i cant handle the drama. I’m always with guys, if it was anyone else the school would think they’re a slut, but for some reason they make an exception for me. i guess they know i dont do it on purpose, its just..EASIER with guys. they more open, u dont have to worry aout them being all bitchy or P.M.S-y or having to hide things, like pretending u didnt get the inennuendo in what that guy jut said.

Here’s the thing though. You know that all dreaded “friend zone”? Yeah, well i live there. Theres a property in my name. A whole frikken street named after me. A guy i have had feelings for has EVER so much as considered me. Its reached the point where i’ve TRAINED my self to cage in emotions towards someone. I just hold it in, pretend it doesnt exist cause i know that nothing will come of it. I’ve only ever told a guy i liked him once and he just…stoppd existing. Wouldt look at me, or talk to me, aknowledge me, even though he had been my best friend the year before.

Im not ugly.. i know that , although i also know im not gorgeous..its my personality. Its one that screams DO NOT LIKE ME. LETS PLAYS OCCER INSTEAD. People tell me its a good thing, but wat do they know. It hurts. As soon as i can feel myselse falling for someone, this voice in my head goes “You stupid Idiot. Dont do this to yourself. It will never work. Kill it now before you end up getting REALLY hurt.”

And now i really have FALLEN for someone.Like really. Ive been pushing these feeling away for a eally long time..But its official now. And it kills cause hes my BEST friend(who also RELATED)- so i mean really BEST BEST friend’s ale best friend. And i know she would be COMPLETELY against it , because she hates the mere idea that we get together (not that ive ever brought it up, someone just joked about it once.)
And im never gonna do anything about it. He date

Confession 80 – Spirit Faded to Black

In Confessions on October 31, 2010 at 5:15 PM

My soul and spirit have faded to black.. I think only of vengeance.. My heart has been filled with HATE.. I constantly wonder; how long one can go through life with these kind of feelings inside them? It is ever consuming, by day, by night, even when I sleep the darkness touches my dreams!

I seem to have an excellent knack for letting other use me as they see fit.. No matter what the cost to me is.. Always, I give.. Never do I receive.. And I ask for so little.. I am not high maintenance, I take care of myself when allowed.. I have such few needs, but the ones that I do have, they appear to be impossible for others to satisfy.. And when I still receive nothing, I still give..

So, now.. Now I have had enough of letting myself be abused.. I have had enough with the mind games.. I have had enough with people playing with my heart and mind. And now, now I seek vengeance!

What the hell is wrong with me? To want to hurt someone that I love so deeply.. How does ones spirit get to the stage where vengeance is what it feeds it? I do know that it is not normal.. But how do you stop feeling like that?

Every time that I try to stop my self, I find that i cannot… And every time that I try to talk to about my problem, I hit a brick wall.. Why would someone listen, but stand by and do nothing? How can a human stand by and watch another human fall apart? How can someone have the power to help, or do something, and yet stand by and do nothing?

I know, that’s an awful lot of hows and whys there, but I cannot for the life of me figure out what the heck I am doing.. I cannot for the life of me understand.. And the more that I do try, well the worse my hatred becomes..

I have so much hate inside me, that I want to destroy my self, before I can cause any more harm to the ones that I love.. And that’s not right either.. But, I am running out of options..

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