Confession 89 – I’m a Coward

First time I saw her I had a crush on her. That was 6 years ago when we were 12.
Now 6 years later my crush has developed as I also have developed and went through puberty. I have real feelings for her now, not just a ‘crush’. But she doesn’t even know it. She’s friendly, Kind, lovely, fun, smart and beautiful. Only problem is I’m a coward. I’ve been a coward all my life. More shy than coward I suppose.
Now in our final year in school I have no idea what to do. These final upcoming months will probably be the final moments i ever see her again. I regretted not doing anything in 6 years, but now is the time to do something atleast! I do not wish to force her to like me! I only wish for her to know me, recognize me, remember me! Atleast I want her to befriend me 😦

And if i ever wanted to do something I can’t just tell her my feelings or ask her out this is kuwait, we live in a fucked up society. But I can maybe develop something with her!

Please give me advise, your opinions, what you think of my scenario…for I have confessed, exposed myself to the world

Confession 88 – I Want A and My Boyfriend

A guys falls in love with you, and stays for two years. He doesn’t ask for anything, and will wait without wanting anything. He hadn’t told ANYONE, and he is thinking of marriage. He even talked to his mother, and for two whole fucking years you met up with him only twice without touching or kissing. He even forgave you when you talked to his friend on the phone. But will he forgive me when he finds out about A ?

A comes from a different country, he’s 5 years older than me, and we met up once and kissed. and i have met him only just for two weeks.

I love my boyfriend, i love him so much but A just drives me crazy.

I dont want to hurt my boyfriend, but A is just so tempting. A is the devil for crying out loud. He’s amazingly hot, and knows how to treat me.

No, check this out, i was the FIRST girl my boyfriend EVER talked too.

What have i become ? Im not this person. Lust made me break my values. I don’t know whether the feelings towards A are love ? or lust ?

Time will tell, and i am planning to wait. I have promised myself not to go out with A again but stay in touch.

I havent told anyone about A, so i’m here. Im just scared, i want both A and my boyfriend.

Confession 87 – Asian Expat

Hi, I’m an asian expat (22) and I just wanted to share my so-called “relationship” with a kuwaiti military guy (28). I hope you guys wouldn’t be bored cause this would be kinda long.:P Anyway, I met him last Jan 2009 thru facebook. He messaged me there saying he was interested in me and if we could be friends.. so I answered back it was alright.. just friends after all. So after few weeks, we exchanged numbers and started talking a lot on phone. After another few weeks, he offered me to meet him so we could get to know each other on a personal level. I was bit skeptical cause I’m actually kinda scared of arab guys, but then I thought he seemed nice, why not meet him? So I went out to meet him. The first meeting went well just that he was kinda touchy, he would randomly take my hand and touch it. And since I’m not that comfortable with him yet I would take out my hand. So after that we have 2 other meetings, that makes it 3 meetings all in all. During the last meeting, I allowed him
to touch my hand cause I kinda like him already and we kissed. Waaah! It was my first kiss ever. I was so shocked, it happened so fast. I just hugged him and kissed him on the cheek to bid goodnight.. and then..:O

Ok this is where my dilemma started.. after few months he said he’s gonna say something important to me cause I warned him from the very start that I really hate liars and I don’t want him to keep a secret that could ruin “us”. So he confessed that it’s impossible for a kuwaiti military guy like him to marry an expat like me.. and that his family won’t allow him too. But he offered me things like “we can get a flat, i’ll pay for it and we’ll live together like husband and wife do (that of course would include sex). If I get married, I’d still come to you. I won’t let my future marriage hinder us.. that is so long you stay here in kuwait.” Oh what bulls**t!!! What was he thinking?!! I’m not a f**cked up b*tch and a potential home-wrecker!!! My heart was badly broken that time cause I was so in love with him. I thought he was the one since he was my real first love. I was so frustrated and kinda blamed myself for making myself believe that he was really the one.:( I broke up with him
cause I thought we don’t have any future. I had many plans for us, all of those turned into ashes. We stopped communicating after that.

But after a month and a half of our break up, he messaged me on facebook… asking me how I was doing and all. He said he missed me and that he still love me and wanted me back. I wondered that maybe he changed his mind and was now open to the idea of marrying me in the future, I’m not asking that he marry me immediately anyway. But then again he said he’s sticking with his “idea”. So since I still love him too.. I just gave him a condition of a “sex-free realtionship” after all we’re not getting married. So we became “lovers” again. But it was different this time cause now we’re miles away from each other.. some time after we broke up, I went back to my home country. I told him that and he said he was willing to wait til I come back to kuwait.

The problem is: if he was willing to wait for me.. why does he rarely talk to me? He would send me message like “when are you coming back?” Just that… and nothing else much. Out of my hopelessness.. I would answer “I don’t know, it might take time. If you don’t want to wait for me, just say so. I’m sure you’ve got loads of girls there while I’m not around.” But he insisted that he would wait for me. It was 3 months or so ago when he last messaged me. I feel so unloved by him anymore. I remembered what he told me that he would stay with me only if I’m in kuwait.. and I kinda have this feeling that he wanted me just for sex.:(

Please.. if you have some advice.. kindly share. Thanks in advance!