Kuwait's Confession Box

Confession 86 – Traditional Marriage Got Complicated

In Confessions on January 31, 2011 at 3:04 PM

I recently got married in the traditional way (well it’s more milcha and not zawaj) for 2 months and then we got divorced because mako na9eeb. And through this experience alot of my closest friends and my family were opposing the whole idea of divorce as the guy ma kan feeh 3aib (they couldn’t understand the fact that acceptance, chemistry and mutual attraction is essential to marriage before anything else) and i just couldn’t accept the guy. There was no chemistry, no acceptance and it’s like we were from 2 different worlds, so why waste my time and his if this marriage is a failure from the start?

I’ve had the most miserable life during my marriage and after my divorce and no one was on my side (a misfortune that accompanies girls who get divorced in kuwait). However, i have a colleague at work who i was close with even before i got married and who helped me through my ordeal and made me feel like human again and assured me that everything is gonna be alright.

After my divorce and as time progressed, we became even closer and people at our work started noticing it and they actually remarked that we make the perfect couple (age\religion\appearance\family-name wise) so i started having feelings for him but i was pretty much fighting it as things would be complicated if they developed.

Off note, let me explain how close we are. We do alot of things together, confide our secrets, and talk about EVERYTHING. Yes even his sexual desires, so there is an element of sexuality in our relationship but not physical. He admitted that he is attracted to me and that i’m his type and never failed not to mention it every once in a while. And i can say the same thing about me, that i’m also attracted to him.

However, i felt like i needed him (as a companion) as i was suffering the outcomes of my divorce. I wanted a man who i can love and care for and who would love me and care for me as i was feeling very lonely and agitated. So one day we went out, on a friendly cruise to grab a coffee and he made the most unexpected move. He kissed me so passionately as if he lifted me to another world. And i’m reluctant to admit that i loved that kiss (and felt like i needed it so desperately to reassure myself that i’m a girl who deserves to life and not be condemned to suffer).

And with him kissing me, he made things more complicated. I was pretty much fighting my feelings for him but that kiss really shattered those attempts.

Months later, I proposed the idea of us getting together to see if we can work out as a couple. We don’t have anything to lose and if things didn’t work out then we would still be around and this is basically how life goes. I didn’t tell him that i had feelings for him so that i don’t scare him away, i was approaching him from an adult’s point of view.

Sadly, he still hung up on his ex. I can pretty much say he became self destructive after their break up which happened a long time ago, so he gave up the whole idea of loving again and is actually refusing it saying: “ehya ra7at wa 5athat galby weyaha wa ana mayet wa mentehy” and it really hurt me and made me cry to see him do this to himself. Life doesn’t revolve over one person and indeed it goes on so he should explore more out of it and give me a chance to prove that life’s flower may bloom again.

I really don’t know what to do … I really want this thing to work out but don’t know how. I’m already having this urge of needing a man by my side (intimately) and i don’t wanna look outside! I’m feeling vulnerable and i don’t want this vulnerability leading me to the wrong directions. I don’t wanna say he’s the one but i wanna give it a shot with him as i think we will be great together.

  1. As simple and as cliche it may sound, but my advice for you is to have some patience. If his initial break up was long time ago, then you are on the safe side as not being the rebound relationship with all the delusional emotions. With time his emotions will start to blossom and grow deeper as he is in pure denial and actually in immense need for a companion who offers him the intimacy he desires.

    The key issue here, is that while you patiently wait, you need to really investigate your real emotions, you don’t want to have an emotional experience while it’s purely a rebound issue or simply the need to be intimately loved with other planting the idea that you as a couple fit together. After all, you don’t to cause him any further pains and to yourself as well.

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