Kuwait's Confession Box

Confession 84 – My Dysfunctional Family

In Confessions on January 28, 2011 at 2:28 AM

I have been getting into this site and reading the confessions of all these people in Kuwait, and Even though I sometimes feel its too much to believe that all of this is happening here in Kuwait, I have come to realize that the world is not that very special place, and not everyone is happy. I have dreaded coming here many many times, but I have reached a point in my life in where I want to go to the beach, walk to the sea and drown myself, and leave all that drama behind me, I want to confess, disclose my problem, some of you will be surprised to know that my story is not that juicy like the rest of all, but I really need to let things out. so bear with me!!

I’m a 25 years old girl, from a very well known family, I live a life many girls dream about, I travel first class and stay at the best hotels, drive bentley’s and wear the best brands, to many people and associates I’m the perfect, pretty happy girl who got it all and has a very smooth life. but little did we know is that looks can be deceiving, and don’t judge a book by its cover.

I grow up among my family, my dysfunctional family, my mum and dad never really got along, my very first childhood memory was when I was a little girl of 5 or 6 wrestling with my brother when all of a sudden a fight broke down between mum and dad, fists were flying, and things being thrown at each other, not to mention the words, and between the fight we were cough in the middle and got beaten up and locked up in a room. me and my siblings have been kicked out with my father many many times from our house.

I’m sure you’ll say, that happens in every house and yes I agree, but picture this, I’m 25 right? if you calculated the amount of time I have spent with my dad over my 25 years of existence that would be an equivalent of 2 years, my father has never really been around in my life, he was always AWAY, and keeping in touch with him was like pulling a tooth. you know, he is not really the angering type, he just doesn’t care you know, I haven’t spoken to him for a very long time and you know what he does not seem to miss it. my Mum on the other hand is completely different story, after a while my dad got remarried and of course my parents got divorced, and ever since we have been the victims of that, we are to be reminded everyday of my dad’s failure and how our dad is a skump bag, liar, cheater blah blah.. we grow up almost guilty..

I dont want to ignore the fact the my mum has provided us shelter, clothing and the luxury life. and to that i’m extremely grateful and in debt to her. but I have had enough. everyday, I get to hear words and things that put me down.. I’m a very sensitive person and I love my mum so much, I have always wanted to get closer to her to establish that mother daughter bond, but I never had that. every time I try to get closer i get pushed away and yelled at. I have never heard my mum tell me a complement, never had her hug me? I get jealous from my cousins a lot because I see them have this beautiful bond between them and their parents and I don’t have that. when I was in high school at the last days during my finals I was studying an argument struck between my mum and little sister in which it has resulted with my sister running away from home, get a taxi and drive away, later we found out that she went to live with my dad which lasted for 7 years, I hated my sister and I still have
this thing against her, you know why because I have always been an A student and on that day and because of what has happened I failed my test and missed on my scholarship in which I have worked on so hard, I wanted to go in to med school, and come to think of it, I didn’t even want to study medicine, I just wanted to get a scholarship and get away from all that and because of what has happened I have lost that, and you can imagine what my life has turned into. I have grown up listening to my mum’s verbal abuse to me, till I believed them .

you know, I’m the kind of person who would toss and turn at night and would go crazy and mad if I ever had my mum angry at me even if its for a stupid reason and I tend to cry easily . when I was younger the tears used to come down my cheeks easily now they just explode from the inside. I never let it out. as a result of my upbringing I have grown up with a very shaken personality. I have went through a lot. and trust no one.

I have tried to look for love out side, I could not find it, I tried to maintain relationships, they never lasted, and even though all the 3 guys I have spoken to speak fondly of me and understand my situation I have hurt them many many times, I have lead them and took advantage of their feelings towards me but never shared them their feelings. I feel so bad, I want to love so badly , I want to fall in love and believe that life can be amazing but I can’t I can never commit and have commitment issues, I have had marriage proposals which I have turned down aggressively even before meeting the potential man, WHY? you ask! well I feel that with what I went through, things will never be easier, I’m embarrassed and worried of getting married and the get abused by my mother just like my eldest brother who is married with 3 children but has never gotten an approval from my mum. and was alway abused and felt low because of it. and I don’t want to get married with out a strong father figure
(3ezwa) they say the most important thing in marriage is having 3ezwa I don’t have that .. if I can get abused and hurt and my pride and 3ezwa is being abused everyday by my mother what will I expect from a strange man who I would allow to be my husband.

at the end, I just wanted to say, behind the big palace, with a top notch car and high class travel, herms, chanels, manolos and all the short term drugs that I’m using that take form of fashion and luxury. I just wanted to say that I’m not happy, and that I’m alone and can’t connect or really talk to anyone about this. and you know what I would trade all what I have and all the Money in the world to have an embrace from a mother and a kind gentle touch of a father. or just a family or more importantly LOVE!!

thanks a lot for hearing me out, I appreciate you all hearing me out .

  1. i would like to share my most sincere sympathies with you… there is noway i can relate to your tremendous pain, but i have cousins in a similar situation. One of them i recently found out used to b abused by the driver and he’s 18 now…
    i really wish that i had somthing magical or useful to say or do that can take your pain away but i dont. all i can do is wish you thr brightest future and that you marry a man who would be 3zwtch and would treat you like with all respect and dignity..

    i dont get tears usually when i read these stories but for some reason i feel like there is true pain in your words..
    i hope you find happiness soon in ur life!

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