Kuwait's Confession Box

Confession 82 – Victim of Incest

In Confessions on October 31, 2010 at 5:19 PM

When I was nine I was sexually abused by my older brother who was 13 at the time. Those assaults lasted for some time, until I guess he grew out of it. I never told anyone about those incidents and I just learned to try to act as if they never happened. But as hard as I tried I couldn’t stop it from messing me up.

Growing up I found myself struggling with my sexuality. Even though I think that I have homosexual preferences I keep running away from any relationship once it starts getting sexual. It’s not that I don’t like sex because believe me I like it too much for my own good, it’s sexual encounters that I fear the most. I just can’t think of sex as a result of a loving relationship, to me sex could never mix with love. Sexual encounters tainted my life, how can I choose to go there!

I’ve been living in the shame of letting that happen to me when I was old enough to just say no. Sometimes I think that I allowed it to happen because of the attention that he was given me, which I never received from anyone else. I can’t blame him without blaming myself, because I could have said no. I guess I’m just another victim of incest, or another attention whore! I’ll leave it for you to decide.

And please I don’t need anyone of you smart asses to give me some of your stupid “tough love”. When we come here to confess we expose ourselves, we’re being vulnerable and trust me the last thing that we need is you all acting as if you’re better than us because you had easier lives! Who are you to judge us based on our suffering! I guess I’m getting carried away so I’ll just wrap this up.

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  1. Hi. I don’t think you should feel so bad since you both were minors and couldn’t be blamed. Both of you didn’t have any idea how this will affect your lives and just were minors.
    So, don’t beat yourself over it and tell some one in person or just pray to god to take it out of your chest.

  2. Well, i can never ever imagine how u feel right now or how u felt all these years, nor will i pretend to get it because it’s a horrible horrible experience
    I just wanted to say that u should start by NEVER BLAMING ur self, u were just a kid!! U couldnt have said no!! He is ur brother, as a kid u never say no to a family member u trust & love!!
    ur brother shouldnt have abbused u in any way possible, he should be on the other side protecting u from crulities in this world
    I hope god gives u the strength and power to over get this life changing experience
    I think u should go to therapy, to release the emotional pain u carry inside u & learn to throw the guilt u feel cause it was never ur fault
    All kids seek attention, it’s a normal thing..
    Therapy will also make u trust men again and see the relationship in a whole different perspective
    Wish u the best & god help u to overcome all of this inshallah

  3. NO ONE has the right to judge you! You were too young to know what to do and how to deal with your emotions. Although it’s no excuse, your brother was probably also being abused and repeating symptoms! I hope you get help and find some sort of peace!

  4. Dear Confessor,
    first off i pray god gives the strength to overcome youextreme misfortunes. like many on this blog people who are emotionaly or physicaly abused by people who are supposed to protect them are never to blame. no matter how much you feel that you participated in the abuse you are still the VICTIM. for this matter you should research the Stockholm Syndrome.
    so this means you were an incest victim but you are not in any way an attention whore.

    and in regards to your last paragraph i dont think any sane person would have any “tough love” advice in this case bcoz that would reflect an extremely shallow personality and im pretty sure almost everyone would agree with me. TL??

    Dr. Zhivago

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