Kuwait's Confession Box

Confession 62 – A Secret Act

In Confessions on June 10, 2010 at 10:45 AM

Im not from Kuwait, Im from Dubai, but i really need to confess.

Here it goes.

I’m doing something against my religion, and its masterbating.

I discovered it while watching a porn video ( dont judge me, i was just watching it because i wanted to learn, and yes our school doesnt teach us about reproduction), and I was suprised when i saw that the girl in the video was touching herself !! So i thought why not try ? i was 11 years old and i already hit puberty at that age. So i started doing it ever since, and now im 16. I used to promise myself i’d stop it but i just dont.

Please dont judge me, im not a sexual addict or a pervert or something like that.
i hate to be one ! and i am NOT ONE !
The feeling used to set me free, but i really really wanted to stop
i hated it, and everytime im done, i regret doing it in the first place
From five years straight, and im having this problem
i cant talk about it with anyone
i always blame it on my hormones, bas like, cant i stop my hands ?
but this year, i reduced masterbating A L O T
im scared that my husband wouldnt want me because i touched myself.
and what i want to know is that are there girls like me struggling with the same problem, or are they ok with it ?
a9lan i dont know wether its 7allal or 7aram, but i’ve read about it and it says its 7allal/7arram, so im confused. I dont want to unplease Allah in any way, and i dont want to get sins just because of this.
el 7amdellah, now i can stop myself, and i feel so much more better.
inshallah i never have to touch myself again.

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  1. Since you’re thinking very religiously (which is very noble), according to Islam allowing yourself to do sexual acts for your own pleasure is haram. Sexual acts should be shared with your spouse and your spouse alone, whenever you get married. Now are you going to go to hell for masturbating every once in a while? I highly doubt it.

    Now for a real world response. Many people masturbate, especially those who are in their teens. This is absolutely normal. Our brain and body develop to a point where we crave sexual activities and that’s innate and completely natural. This is something that is common between all human beings and even animals.

    And please don’t believe people who say masturbation is unhealthy or bad for your body. Read up online and get facts and you’ll realize that a little masturbation is actually healthy for you, in small amounts that is. You don’t really have an addiction.

    When many people get married they quit masturbation because those sexual activities that their body and brain are craving will be fulfilled by having sexual intercourse with their spouse. Many of my friends who got married have quit.

    My advice to you right now is to not worry about it too much. This is natural. You can cut down on the amount that you do it but many of us know how hard it is to do that lol.

  2. Oh wow.. i was gonna post the same thing today. You said everything that hapened to me. But I was also worried that I broke my hymen. Like, will people and my husband think I’ve had sex? How would I explain my popped cherry? I’m really scared.

  3. i have the same exact problem. i cant control myself…. any ideas?

    • they say cold showers help,
      try to set a record for longest “dry” period, catch my drift? a week, a month, 45 days etc.

      FYI even married folk pleasure themselves, stop thinking of it as a sin and more of a voluntary reflex.

  4. first off; congrats on havin the stones to approach such a sensitive topic in the arab world, regardless of where ur from.

    i may not be the gender you had in mind to answer, but frankly, i dont see it as such a HUGE sin, its a sin, granted, but the lesser of two evils.

    as humans we have urges. and as humans, we are weak. granted, this may be read as a carte blanche for all sin, but, think about it, who are you hurting? no one. having sex risks STDs etc. drinking can lead to drunk driving. masturbation leads to.. ?

    science has proved, for guys at least, that masturbation is a method of relieving stress.

    and whether you stimulate yourself, or not, you will have “wet dreams”. guess you wouldnt know about them seeing as how they dont teach about reproduction @ your school. wet dreams are vivid, in which your body reacts to a certain image in your mind as you go through REM, or dream. ever dream you bumped into a table as you walk, and your knee reflexes on its own? same principle, different stimulation.

    now, before everyone decides to stone me to death, i again say it is 7aram, but, in cases where you are presented with sin, as in places where solicitations are common practice (i think dubai falls into that category) it is not 7aram, it is encouraged, as it prevents you from committing a worse sin.

    feel free to correct me ya’ll, if i am wrong.

    during the act, you are on cloud 9, after the act, you feel like dirt. its a trade-off. live with it.

    despite contrary belief, there are no side-effects, again, for guys at least.

  5. strangely reminded of the song “i touch myself” by Divinyls.

    grey area; think of it more as ‘3eir musta7ab, than 7alal/7aram.

    6alama u plan on quitting, maku da3i making a diatribe of this, min chan ur worries ovr ur future husband, i doubt u can find any guy who would judge u for it, lest he be salafi, so steer clear of them and u’ll be fine.

    like the KoH said, u can stop ur hands, but ur body will still react if u watch/read/hear something that turns u on.

    moderation in all things, and all things in moderation.

  6. just distract yourself and dont be alone alot, try sitting with your family / sisters / brothers so you dont get thinking
    and yes masturbating is 7ram but since you regret it and you want to stop then you are getting better and hopefully you stop it
    i’ll help you by telling you the main reason to masturbate is : having nothing to do
    second reason is having no one around
    THIRD reason is hormones
    so you better get a hobby or watch animes, and get along with ur family and phone your friends to chat

  7. Lmao
    it’s 7aram for guys because they r wasting sperm, you can’t waste an egg by masturbating

    Your problem is your conscious , it’s too weak lol relax it’s normal

  8. its alright , and u have a lot of courage for saying that out loud (sorta ).
    i used to have the same problem , ITS OKAY! we’ve all been there , done that , even my friends( i was shocked they even knew )
    as long as ur over it , its okay , although i wouldnt encourage u to go on telling ur husband (guys dont know ) .
    anyway , stop feeling bad , its alright , we’ve all been there .

  9. Dear Anonymous,

    قُلْ لِلْمُؤْمِنِينَ يَغُضُّوا مِنْ أَبْصَارِهِمْ وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ ذَٰلِكَ أَزْكَىٰ لَهُمْ إِنَّ اللَّهَ خَبِيرٌ بِمَا يَصْنَعُونَ
    (The Light:30 النور:30)

    To start, you were asking whether is it 7alal/7aram.

    Different people have different views on this topic. Westeners and most Non-Muslims think it is 7alal but in Islam, the Verse above clearly states that:

    1) You should not allow your eyes to fall upon what is prohibited to see for your gender. (That is, if you are a male, the woman’s body besides the face and the fist/hand of a female (plus the foot in some jurisprudences) and even the parts I have specified are not to be seen with desire OR if you are a female, you are allowed to see a male except for his pubic area on both sides. However looking to any part of the male body with desire is prohibited too.

    2) You should ‘protect’ your genitalia for the sake of Allah (by not performing fornication/masturbation etc…)

    3) You should know that this is better for you and for everybody.

    4) You should know that Allah is all aware of human beings therefore He knows what is best for the human race.

    Allah in this case guarantees to you that if you follow his rules you wouldn’t go the wrong way and damage you whether it is physically, psychologically or soulfully.

    The bad feeling or guilt accompanied by this act is felt by anyone performing it and that is evidence that it is wrong for it is something that is kept secret and you wouldn’t like others to know that you are doing it. Hence, it is similar to any prohibited action whether it is Zina/fornication, theft, lying, (you continue).

    If you hadn’t watched that movie in the first place, you wouldn’t have been in here right now because anything you don’t know doesn’t harm you. And I repeat again that watching such movies is prohibited is any Islamic jurisprudence.

    By preventing you from doing all these sins, Allah creates a community empty of people who’s desire controls them in place of their brain. Everyone who performs this sin admits that it affects their life, their thinking, their behavior and some can’t spend the night without having done it. I will spell it out for you: Prevention is better than cure.

    Choose the way of Allah, follow his way and you have His guarantee of the best life on Earth and in the afterlife for no one who has ever bound to the way of Allah lost.

    PS: please consult your jurisprudence source about what is permitted to be seen by each gender. I have only listed what my jurisprudence says.

    • Everybody does it, wether they admit to it or not. To judge and preach like Chalk is ignorant, shortsighted and pretentious. It is also a good way to learn more about yourself and your body. As with everything, it is wise not to overdo it, but masturbation is perfectly normal.

      • Dear ‘The real deal’,

        The person yonder has inquired for an honest Islamic opinion on whether the mentioned act is permitted/prohibited. I provided that.

        In Islam, we believe that God alone is the Judge and is able to determine what is best for me, you, him/her and the whole of humanity.

        To come and describe that as shortsighted and pretentious plus telling me that it is good because you learn about your body is ignorant, shortsighted and indeed pretentious. Your argument is invalid.

        I believe that if you respect other religions, beliefs and opinions, you should not claim it is ‘ignorant, shortsighted and pretentious’. The only way to discuss the sensibility of my logic and give opposing opinions criticizing my view on the subject is to provide legitimate deductive reasoning (which you clearly have not done).

  10. Chalk your words are 100% correct, and may god bless you and your knowledge, but the thing with masturbation is, you say you’ll stop, then you will succeed for a bit, but then you’ll do it again, and the cycle repeats. It’s difficult to stop once you’ve started, its like smoking (but i haven’t tried smoking, so i can’t speak of experience) all i’m saying is, don’t worry too much about it, its not just you going through this, its a lot of other teens. My advice is, if you REALLY want to stop it, and see it as such a bad habit, then don’t go cold turkey and stop suddenly, stop it gradually, or keep going, it’s up to you

  11. “Hence, it is similar to any prohibited action whether it is Zina/fornication, theft, lying, (you continue).”

    sidj?

    i dont buy it. ur reasonin is rigid, and holier-than-thou. its easy to say “do this”, “dont do that”, “this is right”, “this is wrong”. put it into practice mein freund.

    if u were in an area where prostitution is abundant, u r expected to indulge in the lesser of two evils, as sum1 said above. this day in age, its the easiest thing to pick up “tail”.

    we need to practice a culture of understandin, rather than “going by the book”, granted, the qoran is a book of wonder and science, no one can recreate a single passage, but in grey areas, like this, u need to open ur eyes.

    a little about that “guilt” issue, its not so much guilt as a sudden drop in the hormones that excite u, a depression of sorts, a cut off from a drug. there is science behind it.

    we are not saudi arabia, i would never condone what they do as being Islam. They are the ones who paint us all in bad light, and that is by going strictly by the book.

    we need to find a way to preach Islam without sounding like we are blindly following scripture, by truly believing.

    for example: i abstain from drinking as it clouds the mind, dulls the senses, is addictive, destroys the liver etc etc.
    i abstain from sex before marriage for fear of developing a habit of sex-addiction, for STDs, for having a child out of wed-lock.

    the world is associating Islam with opression of women, how will you respond, if your immediate response is the qoran said so. read it thoroughly, understand the full texts, and not merely certain passages.

    Wake up people

  12. hmmm hi , I kinda have the same problem im a 19 year old guy from Kuwait and..yea i cant control my self i get really “turned on” i try really hard to be a good muslim i go to the mosque and pray everyday when i remember but these temptations somtimes get the best of me :/ i really pray for forgiveness and i looked alot on the internet im scared of asking any imam or “3alim” because they will think im some disgusting person but i looked in the internet and…. some say..it is not haram to masturbate if..it prevents zinah which is sex before marriage , i dont abuse it but..i cant control myself everyday more than once somtimes :/

    • It still 7aram under any circumstance but it is better than doing Zina as it is a less sinful act than zina.

      Above all, keeping yourself busy, reading, doing sports, guarding your eyesight from what is prohibited, getting closer to God Almighty, du3a2, and of course being patient should get you through this exam that every single person is living.

      Remember, Islam is a religion of prevention before cure.

  13. well spanky, agolak eshi yenf3k,
    if u feel u do it excessively, limit to once a week. if u feel it affects ur health, weak knees etc, go to pharmacy and get zinc tablets, or eat more 7ab, bezr, 7alawa, eshia2 heik, nuts y3ni, this works to replenish the nutrients lost in the body.

    like u said, prevents zinah, so dotn look @ it from halal 7aram window, look @ it health-wise.

    te3ref what they say in states? masturbation is the safest sex!

  14. It’s not 7aram

  15. I don’t really think its 7aram.. Didn’t really see it mentioned anywhere or heard anyone say it… Well now that you know, you’re probably gonna need a lot of alone time aren’t you? lol! Have fun 😉

    • It differs with different jurisprudences. I have provided a piece of clear proof above. If you believe that it is 7alal/allowed, please provide some evidence.

  16. Indeed like Chalk said, everyone saying it’s 7alal is purely out of their own inner most desires and weaknesses to submit to that it’s 7aram or wrong.

    Humans will naturally try to defend what they find as contradicting to what suits their desires or gives them any sort of satisfaction, in worst cases its blind arrogance and being stubborn because of how Islamic teachings are portrayed publicly (regardless of the reasons).

    Now Islam, in both the meanings of SALAM and ISTISLAM will undoubtedly mean that even if you don’t understand the scripture completely, do follow and submit to it, there is enough proof of how holy it is.

    You don’t need to understand it completely people, Qur2an will come in judgement day as new and as if people didn’t discover anything about it yet, thats how vast the knowledge and information is in it, being stubborn just because it doesn’t say it clearly in one line doesn’t mean its not 7aram, Chalk did a great explanation, and there are more great explanations in seerat al rasool mohammad s.a.w., and knowing both of those you can even relate to scientific discoveries and you’ll find yourself realizing whatever science is discovering is already mentioned in Quran;(you can connect it to many social issues already for example); hence making people look simply stubborn against submission to a clear aya that says clearly ‘وَيَحْفَظُوا فُرُوجَهُمْ’

    I’m not the control-master of my time either, I have bad habits, but people shouldn’t try so hard to justify it, as justification without evidence or with weak or irrelevant evidence will only harm you, if not in this life then when you face Allah, like other people said, work gradually to the better at least.

    The discussion goes on, forgive me for the long speech, I hope I was clear.

  17. An additional comment to the confession:

    Congratulations on maintaining yourself to stop it, be careful and well aware that the more you resist the more temptations will rise, and it’s all natural 😀 so all the best, like Chalk advised and others, so will I, keep yourself busy, learn more about religion, life, people, and walk forward, I wish you all the best! 😀 and to everyone suffering the same issues 😀

    • Thank you, Moe.

      Not only does science everyday reveal the rightness and precision of the Holy Qur’an but many miracles have been revealed to Human Beings early before science found them.

      Therefore, even if science tells you there is nothing wrong with it, as a Muslim, you should understand that the God made it forbidden for a reason that you may or may not understand in the long term. We, mankind, have only understood but a droplet of water’s worth (or maybe less) of the ocean of the Holy Qur’an, the true speech of God.

      Again, Thanks Moe for your reply has completed and elaborated mine.

  18. Its such a strange releif hearing somebody else admit it. i mean you alwayse hear guys talk about masterating,to them its ttally “normal”. But do you everhear girls talk about it?NO. Its like society thinks we’re never curiouse, like we dont get these feelings. I mean i know that, as least i, used to feel dirty..filthy…completely perverse for it. i was doing something shamefully wrong. Like i have this giant secret that would disgust people, just people beacuse girls masterbating is like associated with dirty movies or pornos or whatever.BUT its not like that. its just that OODy will admit it..aknowledge it..beacuse theyre ashamed,its a cycle. thank you for breaking it

  19. sorry typo: NOBODY Will admit it

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