Kuwait's Confession Box

Confession 44 – It All Started With a Click

In Confessions on May 4, 2010 at 3:40 PM

Maybe someone can help me with some advice? I am very confused about something..

I am wanting to know if anyone out there thinks that it is possible for two people to go from being in a relationship, to being the best of friends??

I fell in love with a guy a couple of years ago, an online relationship that lasted 2 years.. One week we were talking about a future together, and then a couple of weeks later he tells me that his feelings have changed.. But he doesnt want to completely let me go, he doesnt want to lose the time that we had together, so he suggests that we remain best friends..

For the past 4 months thats what we have attempted to do, to be best friends.. But I am still in love with him, which he knows, and i am having troubles dealing with his new conquests of love.. Yes, he is wanting to fall in love again, so soon after our relationship and while i am still talking to him every other day.. And no, he is not hiding it.. I honestly dont know if he can see the damage that is occurring, but it is damaging me..

I no longer have hopes of a future with him, but i cant stop myself from talking to him.. We have this weird co-dependency thing going on, we still rely on each other for company and comfort.. Its like we both have this little voice inside our heads that is not our own, and it talks back to us..

So am I mentally deranged or something? Is it possible for two people to remain best friends after a break-up?

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  1. Im sorry to say this but basically hes only having u around till he finds a girl…i say just let go coz he is not worth it..As soon as the new “girl” is in his life its byebye friend.

  2. Bktiba kila 3rabi 3shan a3abir akthar…

    Ana afahmich il mwtho3 w ana mtakdaa ina mara7 ydish ay shay mn klami rasich bs 9dgeni hatha il 9ijadre bthab6 ishbab shgolon w shfkron cuz ili knt a7ibah kan ygoli swalif rb3ah..

    #1 itha fe kilma akbar mn inah 7a8er f tn6ibi8 3aih.

    #2 internet relationship 3mrha makamillat wla kanat 9ijiya, 3al a8al 3nd il shbab, i7na il bnat wayid 3a6ifiyen w mn klmten (walla 7bebti la kbarna , wila bsami wlaadna hal isim , wla na5ith bait bl mkan il flani , wila shhar 3sal … W mn hl 5rabe6 ) nt3alaaaaag 3la6ol !!

    #3 salfat ina ygolich 3an mst8bal w fj2a yalib, hatha ma yn6ir love to come 4 him hatha ykalim 100 wa7da w golay ana magilt!! Maybi yg6a3 6b3an 7a6ich zyadat 3dad ( w sorry 3la hl kilma ), ysoliflich ?! Ana at7dach ma t36ena n9ayi7 w tgolela saw w la tsawey, wila la tthayag tsa7llena w t’hawnen 3leih !! A7ad w msha3ir w i7sas bblash w mu lazim ydfa3 mu8abil 3laih. Yrida laish ?!

    Sorry 3la ina klami jari7 shwaya bs lazim t97eeen hatha mgazirha 3laich w ga3id ysti8iliiiiiiich !! Just blouck delete him .

  3. no. its not possible, and he’s being an asshole, and i think you can see this.
    maybe a friendship is possible, but under these circumstances, where you still love him and he clearly does not ( and honestly he doesnt even seem to respect you or your feelings as he knows how you feel and talks to you about other girls, which i dont know but i would expect that someone i am friends with have respect for me and my feelings… )

    do yourself a favor, completly stop talking to him. completly.
    at first, it will be hard, but you have to.

    i hope you think about this-
    it’s all in God’s will,
    good luck

  4. Baby girl, listen I’ve been through that, and to be honest nothing worked, just fooling around and he probably does, you don’t know how really guys these days, they can be with anyone and anytime, so please follow your mind than a heart, trust me if you leave him, you’ll move on, I know it takes time but it’s better !

    I’m honestly been there, and to be honest I found out that he has a girlfriend but denied me! how I figure out? his girl who become an ex just came up to me and told me and there we become friends and there I ditched him. so please use your mind, don’t be such a dramatic and hoping that one day he’ll ask you back and so on, even if he ask, nothing will work out.

  5. GAH! Truth is right. Dude, it doesn’t happen. You break up, it’s forever over. End of story. Forget loving him. He let you go. He doesn’t deserve you.

  6. It is really REALLY hard to become friends after being boyfriend-girlfriend. Things are just not the same and as you have noticed you can’t hide your feelings towards him.

    Tell him that you want to be more than friends. If he still insists on just being regular friends then drop him. It’s clear that he’s not interesting in the type of relationship that you are interested in. You have to have mutual understanding with your boyfriend/girlfriend or it’s just not going to work out.

  7. no best friends won’t happen, for that is near impossible after a relationship that long and that deep, specially with love in the air. You either part, or get married with a future, since he doesn’t feel the same way it is likely he is falling for someone else and doesn’t want to leave you, more like put you as a back-up plan if anything goes wrong with his other relationship, so your more of a 2nd option now, of course this all is a maybe situation, don’t take it for granted although i know you will.

  8. wait wait, so because he fell out of ‘love’ with you, he’s evil ?

    ugh hypocrites

    to the OP, get your act together.

    you think you’re in ‘love’ but you’re not, it’s prolly your first crush and yeah internet relationships = no.

    when you meet someone else, you’ll forget about his existence and yeah he’s keeping you as his ‘best friend’ just in case or to boost his ego.

  9. damn it! dont be a fool…u knw him over the net???? then find some else over the net…just cut the crap dont be so hard to urself(and cmon inet relationship??? does it even work??? i dont think soooooo)

  10. lol is it me or is everyone negative about this? the subject is can u be friends with an X? it is quite possible if you didnt end it over betrayal or one of you hurting the other… basically fallin out.. if thats the story then its possible.. but in your situation being over the net and HIM tellin u he wants to be friends.. as a guy it either means he cant get into ur pants but is hoping to while he’s hunting for another gullable chick.. or he has too much respect for you and doesnt wanna play you.. either way he’s lookin for a mark to play and he’s putting you on the side lines for the moment (i7tya6) once he has nobody guess who he’s gonna start showerin with love???
    play it smart and good luck!

  11. Lol, yeah everybody does seem to see only the negatives.. but that is what i want, i want different opinions πŸ™‚ and i very kindly thank each and every one of you for your comments.. i appreciate all of them! πŸ˜€

    @ dr. zhivago, thank you so very much, i appreciate your words πŸ™‚ i was looking to see if there maybe some success stories out there, as i am aware that what we are doing is attempting the impossible.. the breakup was not caused thru betrayal, or anything else nasty, we would not be able to remain friends if that was the case.. and seeing as tho we have not actually ever meet in person, betrayal is not something that is really possible i dont think?

    i am not a silly teenager and i am aware of what i am doing.. and i have raised pretty much every point that has been stated here myself with him as well.. i am just looking for a way to make the impossible seem possible..

    @ wisdom.. you are very right.. but he does respect me, its more he is oblivious to my feelings than being inconsiderate i think.. there is a 7 years age gap, me being the older, so one must make allowances for that..

    @ truth, yep you aint saying anything that i dont already think myself πŸ˜‰ and say to him also!

    @ pinc, sweetheart i cant read arabic :O but i would like to know what you said πŸ˜› i like to read your comments πŸ™‚

    @ useyourbrain.. that you sweets, i am sooo trying to follow my mind and not my heart.. that is easier said than done tho i am afraid.. 😦 and i am so sorry for what happened to you, men can be such selfish and inconsiderate jerks at times.. i hope you are all healed now? xoxo

    @ Blah, πŸ™‚ thank you what you said was very sweet!

    @ any1.. you are so right, and i did on many occasions state that i wanted more, he also wanted more.. it seems tho that it was just never meant to be tho πŸ˜₯

    @ The Truth.. πŸ˜€ i always like your comments, thank you, i do not think you are wrong in what you say.. i think those things also, but what do you mean by dont take it for granted?

    @ fuzzy bear.. Lol, no i dont think he is evil because he fell out of love with me.. he is a good person, and it is obvious that he does still love me, trust me, i am a very difficult person, he does not have to do the things he does do for me, it is not forced it comes from the heart.. altho, i definitely boost his ego @ times πŸ˜‰ i was married for many years tho, i am aware of what love is πŸ™‚ yes to my first internet relationship tho.. but people dont seem to realise that internet relationships are mind to mind, we have never had the physical distractions that most relationships have(nor phone conversations, nor video chats, but we are aware of what each other looks like and sounds like).. we connected completely on an intellectual and emotional level, which allows you to be more open than if in person.. it is not a crush fuzzybear πŸ˜‰ quite the contrary, it was an intense relationship.. does that make sense?

    @ bullet.. Lol, there is actually less shit involved in an internet relationship πŸ˜› and yes i know of some success stories πŸ™‚

    thank you so much again everyone, i cant tell you how much i appreciate both your time and your opinions.. even the negatives! πŸ˜€ you are all awesome thats why i thought i would ask you all!

    cheers πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

  12. Ops sorry I wrote it in Arabic cuz I’ve got so mad for u and I wanted to express more, basically what I said was;

    I’ll explain for u what he’s doing, and I’m sure what I’m going to say will not get into ur head, but I do get to understand guys acts a lot so plz plzz sis take my advice seriously.

    1# if there is a word that’s worse than he’s an ass hole that would b a description of him.

    2# internet relationships are never real and never ended with true love story ( maybe 1 of 10 works but never more ), I’d say that it’s because of the guys cause they never mean it, in the other hand us girls are the most emotional creature on the earth, the opposite sex can flip our minds and gets our hearts with few nice word like( honey wen we go older we will do this and do that, or we’ll name our kids…. , our I’ll buy us a house at that place, our our honey moon will be at … ) Then we go Blind, our brains don’t work any more, and we fall in love like idiots!!!!

    3# him telling u about future then changing out of no where means that he’s not waiting for love to come for him, why ?! Cuz he’s a player and I bet he talks to 100 other girls and did the same with them!!! He didn’t stop talking to u ?! Sure he wouldn’t ! ( I’m sorry to say that but he sees u as one more zero at the right), he tells u every thing ?! I swear I’ll give u what ever u ask fore if I’m wrong, I bet u tell him what to do and what not to out of ur care about him, or when he feels bad u make it beater for him and try to calm him down, am I right ??? , girl, emotions, caring feelings, love feelings … All for free ! He don’t have to give any thing in return! , Why wouldn’t he have it ?!!!

    I’m so sorry for coming so hard on u, but u have to wake up! He’s just using u nothing more than that !!! Just blouck delete him , plz doooo !

  13. SEVEN YEAR AGE GAP???

    LoL. Not to be disrespectful to you, but he’s a child, you knew what you were getting into.
    That’s on your girl.
    What’s the expression… You made your bed and now you have to lie in it…

    You honestly need to move on, but you wont until you realize that yourself.

    Good luck,
    All in God’s will

  14. I don’t know if it is possible but I’d like to believe that. I know where you’re coming from, I’ve been through the same experience, however, we’re still in a relationship after 4 years but we’re starting to drift apart, and now it’s become too hard for me to end things and still remain best friends. I think it’s best if you leave it this way and just stay close and eventually you’ll get over him and find someone else, or you never know what might happen maybe he’ll come back to his sense and take you back (:

    If you trust him enough to still be friends with him then he must be a good guy, if he is don’t let him go that easily because it’s really hard to find a good guy nowadays.

  15. you can never be friends with an ex, we don’t live in a Disney movie. Why go through the pain while he or she having their flings. The person obviously doesn’t want to be with you and you need to find a new exciting individual ( which is very rare when you live in Kuwait) PRONTO

  16. Once again i thank you all kindly for your comments.. It is interesting and informative for me to see how others see the situation.. However, I feel that i didnt not, in all fairness, explain the situation fully, as it is impossible to do in a post.. The emphasis is not on the past, the emphasis is on the future and how we are both to approach it.. The past is the past, there are no longer hopes and dreams of a future, for either of us, and while i may still be in love with him, first and foremost he has always been my friend, even before we started an intimate relationship..

    The bottom line is, we are both a pair of hopeless romantics, in the truest sense of the meaning, and we feel in love, against all odds.. But we did not feed each other false hopes about a future, even tho we both hoped for it.. There was no point to teasing each other with fanciful talk and wanting what could not be, or may not be..

    @ Wisdom.. Yes he is 7 years younger than me, but he was/is not a baby.. He was certainly a little immature when we meet, but that was to be expected because of his age.. You try and tell him that he is a baby tho πŸ˜‰ He happens to be exceptionally wise beyond his years, and i never forced anything upon him.. I always stated to him that i would never hold him back from his dreams as he was too young, and his whole life is ahead of him..

    If i may, just to set the record straight, because my post was not so clear on this matter? He never did actually talk to me about other girls, although he is most welcome to, at least that way I do know.. I hide nothing from him, I tell him when I have dates and such, so fair is fair.. He was posting in places that I can view and read about what he is doing, or feeling. He, being a male tho, was completely oblivious to the fact that I may read what he posted, that was all.. What can I say, men who can understand them?? It was difficult for me when I found the post because I knew who he was, that was all.. I would have rather he told me about it personally, then find it on the internet myself.. And I have discussed such matters with him since then.. And because I am not a hypocrite, I did tell him about this post, I will not hide it from him, because that is not what our relationship is about..

    @ Pinc.. πŸ™‚ Lol, Thank you sweets, I can assure you tho that i have called him every word under the sun, and known to man.. But he isnt a bad guy Pinc, he never did tease me with what would be, we took things as they came.. Talking of the future usually only caused pain for one of us.. It was always to hard to see because we both have separate lives in different countries.. And we never did meet in person..

    You are most correct tho Pinc, I love him so there for I do anything and everything in my power to advise him and guide him, and cheer him up.. But, he has always done the same for me, he is always there when i need him, and he still is today.. Our relationship was always more of a best friends relationship, but with hopes that one day we would be able to build a future together..

    Our love was basically forbidden to us, we were attempting the impossible from the start, and we both knew this, but that didnt stop us.. How does one tell the heart to stop loving someone, or to give up??

    @sebeechacha.. It was not a matter of him not wanting to be with me, it was a matter of it not being possible due to our separate lives.. He is young, but he is also getting older, how long can one expect a man to wait?? I have been married, so i understand these things.. For the record too, he is not the typical man who has flings and screws around, he does not believe in sex before marriage, he is a very good religious man.. He wants to fall in love again, not just meet the first girl that comes along.. And I also have the right to go out on dates and see other people, so he is not being a hypocrite, not in the slightest.. And he could have easily kept me thinking that the future was possible until he found someone else, but he did not..

    @ Hello.. Thank you soo much, your words a most appreciated J He IS the most gallant man that I have ever met.. He is a wonderful guy.. And I think that is what we both hope for, remaining friends and slowly drifting apart?? As opposed to leaving each other cold turkey, and to fend alone.. We love each other, that is not in dispute, but just because we cant be together we don’t see why that means the end of us.. The relationship has simply transformed from one thing into something else, but as you know, that is not an easy thing to come to terms with.. But we do both try very hard..

    My intention with this post was never to put him down, or make him seem like the bad guy, it was more that I needed some random opinions and some outside views of the situation.. I do not hate him, nor am i angry at him, it was simply a case of a grown woman falling deeply in love for the first time and not knowing how to deal with the loss of that love.. Which all of you have helped me with.. I really cannot thank you all enough! I had my doubts, and still do, but, I am willing to see how things go..

    So again, thank you everybody, from the bottom of my heart! =-)

  17. it all started with a click ..

    .. and ended with you crying, eating a tub of HΓ€agen-Dazs ice cream and watching a chick flick! πŸ™‚

  18. Looool,

    Thanks George Orwell, thats very funny πŸ˜› I love it! Very very clever πŸ˜‰

  19. Hi.. i know it might be a bit late for this reply, but i understand you completely..

    After dating the same guy (whom i thought was the love of my life) for a year, he started university, fell in love with a girl and made it oh-so-obvious..

    i ignored and stayed with him for 3 more years (4 in total)..

    he always talked about her. and when i finally left him, we were too co-dependent to stop talking to each other..

    so we decided to stay ‘best friends’

    i thought i would never move on.. so i did something stupid.. i started seeing someone else to get over him..

    i told guy #1 all the details of my relationship.. and it hurt him.. like he hurt me..

    eventually we stopped talking..

    but my plan sucked because i was so caught up in hurting him and getting over him that i hadnt realized that i spent 6 months of my life with someone who was using me..

    when i finally realized, i got out of the second relationship.. and as soon as i left this relationship, guy #1 found out and tried to ‘be my friend’ again..

    i refused.

    he then ‘wanted to marry me’

    i said ‘if you really want me, you know where my house is’

    he then ‘brought up the past’

    and i hated him for it.

    that was the last time i spoke to him.

    now, it has been two years since we stopped talking..
    he still tries to contact me..
    but i have erased him out of my life..

    i have moved on..

    it took years out of my life and made me do things i am not proud of..

    i guess this kind of turned out to be more of my confession than a comment, but the moral of my story is that staying ‘best friends’ is never an option..

    especially if the relationship took up a large part of your life.. and if it was serious..

    if your still in love with him, move away from him.. it will only hurt you more if you stay close..

    no one deserves to be strung along like that..

    and no one should ever feel the pain of hearing the one they love talk about others..

    goodluck!

  20. Wow, awesome!! thank you Anonymous, thank you so much..

    Its funny, I had no idea that there were more comments here, but I thank you kindly for taking the time to comment..

    I was in the process of copying and pasting this post over to my blog.. I have started to use that as an outlet, because like you, I have started to become very very nasty toward him.. And I am seriously struggling to no cause him any damage.. I know that will not help me in the slightest..

    But, I have only today, come to that same realisation.. Everything that the good people here said, has come true.. This is now the third time he has found a new mark to target, and I have had enough!! He attempts to make me promises to keep me here,, but then when I am no longer convienient, I get tossed aside once more..

    Thank you again, I do appreciate what you said, more than you may realise πŸ™‚

    Bless you πŸ™‚

  21. so who ever reads this post knows.. i was stupid enough to go back in Oct, i got TWO stalker posts as a courtesy written about me.. yeah, nice i know..

    and then again in Dec.. i went back again.. he had a death in the family, was being silly and spun his car, so i naturally had to see if he was alright.. yeah, naturally, stupidity seems to be inbuilt in me..

    so now, now we start talking again, and BOOM outta the blew a girl who has the hots for him gets someone else to send me and my friends and family a darling email, 3 days before christmas.. lovely.. why?? well to get me out of the picture of course.. why else??

    who ever reads this,, save yourself the time if you can, learn from the STUPID stupid mistakes of others.. dont ever go back, no matter how much it hurts, and how much you care, they will always lay you down when the next target comes along..

    and as all my comments here on KE now prove.. time and time again, i was cast aside for the other girl..

    the sacrifice..

  22. Btw, in case people dont read the comments and other posts.. this post was dedicated to Hopeless Romantic(Ref: posts #35, 40, 71)..

    thanks for 12 months of hell!! hope she repays you the kind..

    karma, ’tis a bitch..

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