Kuwait's Confession Box

Confession 32 – An Awful Regret

In Confessions on April 18, 2010 at 5:54 AM

Its this girl… She was on my mind all the time, everywhere I went. She is a class mate of mine.

We use to be friendly, we use to talk, exchange that everlasting glance that divine smile. Too bad she only ever wanted to be a freind, nothing really more. I couldn’t tell her how I felt, the fear of rejection and humiliation absolutely killed me.

Yet still she was the only one I could think of every moment of my life, there was not other room for anyone else. Every other girl seemed ugly in her presence, even models and celebrities like megan fox.

One day she asked me and the two other people in my class over to her house for a study group. (This is an especially hard Math and Physics course)

I was surprised when to find I was the first one there, it turns out the other two had family problems/plans and were not coming.

So it was me and the love of my life, in a house, alone. I was feeling awkward, very awkward. Idiotically took over. I told her how I felt spewing my feelings, nearly crying.

She said she did not feel the same about me and asked me to leave as the situation would be too awkward. Needless to say i didn’t take it so easily.

I had gone insane, screaming that she would at least “jamilny” and not let me down that hard. She again asked me to leave. I hit her, knocking her back on to the sofa. Forcefully I kissed her on the lips, she was smaller than me in size and couldn’t fight back.

Then came the horrid moment. The moment I regret, and will regret for my whole life. I had raped her. No one was at the house, her father and mother were out. She had no siblings. But I had raped her. I had raped her. I had hurt, raped, and mentaly and emotionly scared the love of my life in a time of stampeding emotion.

She hadn’t told anybody in fear of me hurting her again. I had gone from being friendly with the love of my life, to actually hurting her and her fearing me….

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  1. How could you do something like that? I’m sorry but it’s very hard to believe that you love someone so much to the point where you could hurt them the way you did to this poor girl.

    I believe what happened was that you are obsessed with her in a sick way, and the fact that she didn’t want you made you so angry to the point where you raped, so you forced yourself on to her and that is not called “LOVE” that is called “ABUSE”

    This girl will have nightmares of the day you’ve raped her, she wont be able to live her life normally after what you’ve done, i don’t know if she comes from a conservative family but can you even imagine how it would be for her if her family finds out? or in the future if she falls in love with someone and wants to get married?

    All you thought about is how selfish you are and how badly obsessed you are with her, you just wanted to get in her pants first before anyone else did!

    you should be ASHAMED of yourself, I’m not even going to advice you what to do because people like you don’t feel regret or shame and you would DEFIANTLY not have the guts to go be responsible for the horrible abuse you’ve cause to this poor girl.

  2. Oooooouch !! Such an ass hole ! U r so sick and selfish!!

    Well if this is a hard thing for u, and u regret it imagine only imagine how it’s for her !! U know what u should do, no what u have to do it’s not an option it’s a must be !! Go tell ur mother what u did !!! Give her the mobile nom. Of the girl and let here help her to fix what u dummy ass have done !!! Apologize you go sit under her feet askig here for forgives, ask her what should u do to fix it even to confess if she wants that!!!

    SHAME ON U !!

  3. Bas I do love her… I really really do. I do regret it, its just eating me up inside. All i think about is her, but not the creepy way. Like i think of her as the mother of my children not as a sex toy. Today I will be going to her house, to apologize, to ask forgiveness in hope of transcending these emotions.

    But never, never will I forgive myself for the things i hve done even if she has forgiven me.

  4. You should sit with her parents and explain to them what you have done and you have to take FULL responsibility of what you have done!

    There is no such thing as you love her, you cannot combine violence with love those two categories do not go together AT ALL.

    If you REALLY want to fix your mistake, you should go and speak to her parents and to her, confess to them what you have done, if you don’t do that then there is no point at all, the girls life will be ruined forever! I really hope that you’re doing this for her and not for your selfish self just so you could get it out of your chest to make yourself feel better!

  5. Noooo not to her parents that’s wrong and as on what I c he is just a teenager he wouldn’t pull it of with the parents he might just make it worse for her. Telling ur mother idf the best thing to do even taking her with u wen u are going to Apologize, the virginity thing could be fixed only if she have an adult helping her. Then if u truly wanna show her that u love her ask ur mam to call hers and engage her to u !

    • ehem… u can always fix a hymen…with the surgery etc. etc. but the pureness of a virgin girl…no way…-just sayin

  6. Han²♡ and what if his mother does not want her son to get engaged, and what makes you think the girl would get engaged to a rapist?? This is nonsense, parents should know so that they fix it she is too young to handle this all by herself she needs help and support at this stage which she should be getting from her family!

    3abood, go and talk to her parents and be responsible it’s the best thing you could do for the sake of this girl.

  7. If you really love her and want to make it up, there is a way you could do it. if I were in your place, I would go and ask for her hand in marriage. It wont be easy – and I don’t see why she should agree. So I think you should first prove to her, her family and the rest of the world, how capable you are in life and work hard. Then ask for her hands in marriage. And if this works out, you will have to make her live the best life anyone can offer her. You’ve scarred this girl and its something she will never forget, this is the best you can do..
    This will really show if you love her..

  8. Katy, what What I meant about asking that his mam asking for her son to be engaged to that girl only to make her feel slightly better inside even though I’m sure she’ll say no, then if a miracle happens and she says ok then he said he sees her as the mother of her chield, I think telling her parents is wrong, but maybe u r right but I still think he is a teenager and he will only make it worse by saying the wrong things, so his mom talking to her mom is the best thing to do, and never let her father know moms understand and solve problems better than dads.

  9. leave her parents out of it and turn yourself in; rape is a crime, not just in this country, but in your religion.

    if your guilty conscience is really eating you up inside, its for knowing what you did was beyond wrong, its criminal.

    take responsibility, maybe then you will find peace.

  10. you really cannot fix what you have done.
    the closest you could come is leaving her alone. do NOT try and marry her, do NOT bother her. I am sure she is trying to deal with this and move on.. which is not easy. but leave her alone.
    you didn’t love her, so dont let those words come out of your mouth ever. you had lust, not love.
    really, reading this makes me sick.
    you remember this if you ever manage to get married (i already have sympathy for your poor wife) and your daughter, you remember what you did when your sister gets raped, when your daughter gets raped. because ive been raped, and what you did to this girl will never leave her.

    what’s left is between you and God,
    but so you know fully, you hurt her worse that you could ever imagine. was that worth it? was you’re sexual satisfaction worth her sleepless nights, and feels of disgust with herself that u cant even imagine?

    I have faith that our God is All-Knowing and Great and we all know the reprocussions, i pray that the poor girl will find comfort in her faith during this time.

  11. all of you speaking about that he should marry her to fix this thing, yes thats the way to fix it cuz u expired her virginity..

    but no one thought that the girl doesnt love him and doesnt have that feelings about him (according to what she said)
    so if she marry him, he will be happy and she will stay sad

    …i hope things get better

  12. Yes there is no excuse for rape. But there is always a chance for repentance. I can’t say if ur a good person or bad person… but you might be in need of help. I suggest seeing a psychatrist. It doesnt mean you’re crazy but it means you need help cuz being capable of doing what you did is a big problem. It could be a mix of reality and fantasy and confusing the line between them or what not. I dont think you should tell her parents because some parents will blame their daughters for rape either by them indirectly seducing the guy or letting him in the house alone… The poor girl is already dealing with being raped… she needs to move on she doesnt need to be reminded of it all the time and making her feel dethroned and de-powered and another thing you people have to realize is that not everyone is BLESSED with a mother they can go and tell her things… some mothers dont care… so since we dont know this person’s mother i dont think he should be talking to her. I think you should pray and repent and go seek professional help.

  13. what twisted minds you have to be to think that marriage is the solution!! He needs to be locked up in prison, not given the privilage of marrying her! I have no empathy, symapthy or understanding for rapists. He’s on here trying to show remorse??? are you freakin’ kidding me people?? He thinks that by writing an anonymous confession he can clear his conscience? Unless you’ve been a victim of rape, no amount of regret will suffice! Live with your deeds. Karma always finds a way of creating balance in life- you’ll get yours, and not by writing a confession on this blog!

  14. Wooow ur gonna be executed 😀 funny right

  15. Your mentally sick my friend. You need to:

    (a) Visit the nearest therapist, and start your treatment.
    (b) Apologize to the girl, her father and her mother.
    (c) Point C will no doubt lead to your ass taken to the police, and you living in jail.

    You’ll have to excuse my coldness here but when it comes to rape I forget compassion.

    استغفر ربك با رجل, لو مو تارك صلاتك و عبادتك جان ما صار الي صار, الله يهديك بس

  16. u idiot ! u just exposed who u are by commenting ! now everyone who reads this will know ur name .
    she mights forgive u , but she cant forget , u should be ashamed! u have some serious issues , try therapy

  17. I can’t sympathy with you… rape is a RAPE no matter what. It’s a crime that you will pay for it eventfully. I can’t imagine the nightmares that girls is having. You ruined her life forever ..
    استغفر ربك واستخير لهدايته عسى يفرجها على البنت الفقيرة تلقاها بمناحا الحين ما تدري وش تتصرف, الريال شايل عيبه لكن البنت مفضوحه

  18. You did not love her. You had lust for her. I really can’t believe that your like for this girl turned you to rape her. No amount of explaining can ever make me understand how that is logical. But, that’s beyond the point now anyways.

    Turn yourself in. Nothing you say to her, her parents, your parents, or you, will make any of this right. What you did was wrong and you have to pay for it.

  19. I don’t know why I can’t believe your story !!
    If u told her parents u’ll be dead. If u told the police u’ll be in jail. So it’s your call!!
    And apologizing to her won’t get her virginity back!! You changed the person that she was going to be in future forever. You can’t make anything right for her!! Marrying her is an award for you not her!!

    Tell your mother. If she did nothing go to police it’s better than going to her parent and get your self killed!!

    I still can’t believe it!!!

  20. omg, it was cute in the beginning then i was like 😐
    sryy bess what u did was wrong !
    ‘3al6an.

  21. Sick. You’ve just RUINED her life. Literally. Nothing could EVER happen worse to a girl than this.

  22. A rapist is a rapist. I don’t care how you claim to love her, and care about her and all that bull shit. You are a rapist. You took away something SO precious from a girl. You ruined her life. She have to live with what you did.

    I want to know ONE thing. How the FUCK do you have sex with her while she’s trying to fight you off? She’s smaller than you are and you know she didn’t want it. The sick thought I have right now, is HOW THE FUCK do you even get it up?????? Wtf. Seriously. That’s all I can say right now. You disgust me. Does the thought of a woman in distress excite you? Honestly, I don’t even know how you got it up and still claim to love her. If you loved her you wouldn’t even THINK of inflicting this serious of mental pain on her.

    And I can’t believe people are saying you should ask for her hand in marriage. Seriously. Don’t you fucking dare. Leave her alone. Let her be. Get the fuck out of her life. You’re scum, and you always will be. Seriously, I hope karma gets you good.

    Fuck you.

  23. Omg, why!!, u loved her u’re supposed to wish everything best for her., how could u ruin her life, your life wont be ruined.. Phisycally at least. i actually dont believe that this would happen in kuwait ,,

    • Ok, you’re one of those few people who don’t believe anything bad happens in Kuwait.
      Try to read this very, very carefully:
      REALITY. EXISTS. EVERYWHERE.

      Get a clue.

  24. rejection is a b**** i would have to agree, but you don’t have to smack that girl with white cream just cause she doesn’t feel the same way you do, the forceful kiss was somewhat understandable.. but the Hiroshima bomb was out of league.

  25. Brilliant idea.. telling the man who raped her to marry her. It’s not enough that she will never forget the tragedy and will be haunted the rest of her life, but his face will be what she sees every morning when she wakes up and every night before she goes to sleep. What is wrong with you people?

    Leave the girl alone. You are the last thing she would ever want to see and the last person she would ever want to marry.

    You’re absolutely horrible. What goes around comes around.

  26. seriously.. you should tell the police… honestly this is the BEST solution for this
    if not, the girl’s life will be ruined even more, she will be seen as a bitch when they discover that her virginity is taken away without them knowing, and then she will not get married to anyone…

    i beg you, tell the police… you’ll fix it for her and you, and you wont feel the regret …

  27. You people think a coward like him would go to the police? he’s a coward and only cowards do what he has done. He’d never do anything about it. The fact that he wrote it here then submitted his own name shows that he thinks he got away with it, think again ‘abood’. The poor girl will have to somehow adjust to living with it. I hope -from the bottom of my heart- she finds someone she can be honest with and who would understand and let her know that it’s okay. Only then she will start finding peace. I will be praying for her everyday. And YOU, the asshole who wrote here, will be punished sooner or later, not by the police, not by your parents or hers, but by god, because god was watching while you did what you did, god watched everything, think about that, and think what the mighty would do about it. And don’t think you’ll be getting your punishment on judgment day no, your punishment has already started, and you will see how fucked up your life is going to be. I hope you eventually commit suicide then rot in hell.

  28. KE why did u deleted my comment?hmmm…

  29. You disgust me. You clearly have no understanding of the word “love”. The advice from others to offer to marry her or apologise makes my skin crawl.

    If you want to do the right thing, go to the police and confess your actions in full.

  30. abdulla , i think you really need to talk to a professional. I dont mean this sarcastically. I know you think you love her and who knows maybe you do, but you never hurt the one you love. Did you even think about her future ? This girl is silly for not reporting you, thats one thing. Because she didnt think of herself and her future. Not many people out there marry non virgins in the community. And now when someone asks for her hand in marriage she cant even state that she was raped because it is obvious nobody will believe her since there is no proof. I hope you know how you have damaged not only her but you as well. Thats why i think you should seek professional help.

  31. Your options are simple:
    1. Confess

    2. Sentence estimate in NZ with an early guilty plea: 5 years 9 months

    3. Parole around 2/3rds if you show no longer a risk to women

    4. Do courses for sexual offenders and learn how not to treat women as chattels

    5. Never go near women again

    None of these options involve MARRYING YOUR VICTIM

    Any man with any moral fibre will tell you what you did was an act of utmost evil. The only thing you can do now is face up to your crime.

  32. How very sad that women are not seen as equal to men in Kuwait. How very sad that the awfulness of a violent assault of a human is secondary to the importance of a hymen. How very sad that this young woman’s worth is considered in terms not of her intelligence and character, but in terms of her marriability and her hymen. If you considered this young woman your equal, would you have violently assaulted her?

    Try considering yourself in a similar position to this young woman. Imagine if a large man took a fancy to you and forcibly sodomised you. Imagine if that large man then pondered whether to ask your parents to take you as his kept man. Imagine that everyone now considers you ruined and unworthy, not because of anything you did, but because a large man forcibly sodomised you.

    Turn yourself in to the Police. You are not a worthy human being.

  33. Apologise, buy her some ice-cream, get high and forget about it. she’ll be okay about it in no time.

    Whatever you do, do not confess to her or your parents or turn yourself in. People here are crazy to suggest such things.

  34. dude u make me wish i know who u are so i can kill u… even though 2 wrongs dont make a right. how can just snap like that? u were going to study so i figure u were sobre… dude i just wanna kill you! regardless of my feelings plz update us with ur meeting!

    • looool 3la rasiiii walla !! i’d kill him 2 !!

      3abod tell us what did u do ?!!!

  35. Oh, man. You really screwed up. Okay first, you need to forget about the fact that you “love” her. Any such thoughts are delusions in your head, or lies. Don’t dare tell her that you do. If you loved her you would have never done what you did.

    Like everyone already said the atrocity you committed against this girl will damage her for life. I seriously hope you didn’t get her pregnant.

    Your options:

    1. Ask her for forgiveness. If there’s anything you can do (maybe leave her alone, forever)
    2. Confess to her parents. But that could get you killed.
    3. Confess to the police. This is your safest option. If you truly love her, this is the best you could do for her and her future. However, I really doubt that you’re man enough, or strong enough to do this.
    4. Not tell anyone, and live with the guilt the rest of your life, knowing you ruined her life and future. This is the weakest and most cowardly option.

    Sad to say, I feel like you’re gonna go with 4. I’m gonna give you the benefit of the doubt and hope that you’re a better person than that. Otherwise, you’re not even a man, but just a despicable piece of filth.

  36. I agree with the Kid, buy her some ice-cream and some shrooms. Shit worked on me when I got raped. Him and I are best friends now. =D

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