Kuwait's Confession Box

Confession 25 – Broken Heart

In Confessions on April 14, 2010 at 5:44 AM

well i don’t know where to start from ,, I bet there is at least one person who shares the same story with me ,, i really really need to get it out of my chest it’s eating me alive ,,

some of u might say it’s my fault and maybe it is, it feels horrible when you make your life all about one person then u discover that he doesn’t deserve it .

any way, i wasn’t the kind that search for boys, in fact i used to be mad at my brother for talking to girls….

I think that being raised as my daddy’s girl then not finding him around anymore due awful divorce was the main reason that made me love the guy i loved, he is a relative of mine, I considered him as my lover, father, brother, best friend and even sister, if i were to say that i loved him i’d be a liar ! what i gave him and felt for him was beyond that, i used to stay all night with him in my room ( our families used to share the same house back then ) talking the whole night and laughing, i still remember everything: his smell, what we said, his looks….. i swear it was the perfect love, he was my only safe place, I don’t like to say to anyone what I need, feel or have an opinion on what to do only if that one was him, when i had problems i’d call him right away so that i feel better, hearing his voice would make me so calm and I’d feel as if I’m the happiest person in the universe .

However, with time passing he was changing to worse, two years later he changed a lot, he broke up with me like 100 times, but i kept creeping back to him each time, even if i was really hearted, there was this thing that kept me going back and back to him, at that time i knew that he was cheating on me, but i didn’t care as long as i have him, lots and lots of big problems i had put myself into because of our love, at some point, he was harming me on purpose, all of that was OK with me I have never left him without him asking for it because I couldn’t even imagine how life would be without him, he went from worse to worse, now after he traveled to study abroad on a scholarship it’s like i don’t exist anymore, he never called for 3 months, he forgot all about me, I have tried and tried the best i could to be there for him, but i was literally shocked !! he said [ i thought that i don’t love you that’s why I called you the last 2 days, only to make sure of it, so now i’m sure i don’t love you any
more ] why now after 5 years with him!, after all i had to take because of him!, that’s what i deserve ??

This is the second time that I lose someone that i need and love, but this time it’s even more painful, my heart is broken, I’m in the darkest place ever, I haven’t felt like this in my life, I’m doing stupid things without thinking and I don’t even know why I’m doing them, I can’t eat since he said that to me 2 weeks ago,so I lost nearly 5KG, and the worst thing is that i can’t sleep at all i really really need to sleeeep but i can’t !!!!

the funny thing is i still don’t hate him , in fact i still need him !! what to do ?! plz help I’m so depressed ….save me

Advertisements
  1. thats awful ! but u have to get over it , search for somebody who will love u no matter what happens , needs u no matter whats going on.
    u said u used to call him all the time , but did he do the same ?
    of course u still love him , he was ur first love , u cant forget that , but u can look for someone who might be worth ur time , ur laugh and ur talk.
    but dont fall too easily .

  2. Listen up. A relationship with someone only works when bot parties give 50% each. if one was giving 51% and the other was giving 49% then that person was doing too much. You clearly where doing too much for this man that didn’t deserve it!
    The sad thing is that a lot of men raised in the middle east think that they can get away with treating women like this.
    My advice to you is to do your best to move on. Baby steps at first. I would start with eating. the human body needs nutrition to keep it going and you haven’t eaten in awhile. Next time he speaks to you, just remember what he said to you. He told you that he doesn’t love you. That’s your queue to get out of there.
    The best of luck to you my friend, and i hope you can move on!

  3. 7bebti enty… No one deserve to be treated like this, move on with your life w il klam ili galoh ili gabli kila 9a7 w akeed low il shay month wayid kber chan ma athar b 7yatich hl kithir.
    As the previous comment said ( A relationship with someone only works when bot parties give 50% each ) I think you gave him 99% and only got 1% back, akeeed al7en mt3awda ykon 3ndich shay t36ena w hl shay m’7alech tfgdena, dwray shay 2 rkzay 3laih w 36eh ur mom, sis , brother or your friends, 2 keeks w 5 kilos nag9a w matname ! Mu zain 3laich 7ram ili tsawena ;@

    Tgolen he is a family of yours !! 7mday rabich mlyon marraaa alla y7ibich ina 5lach, hatha ma8dar inich mn ahala gabil kl shay 9adgene low mat9erela chan 3loooom !!!!!!!

  4. girl…u gotta move on…eat drink sleep be healthy be pretty…!!!he is not the last man on this land…cheer up…go out…

    i think u know the reason y we got our brain up in our head and our heart down the middle (or watever) of our body right? if u dont know lemme tell u somethin (cuz my mom tells me this all the time) AT THIS VERY MOMENT OF UR LIFE WERE U FEELS SO DOWN AND LONELY U GOTTA BE STRONG IN ORDER TO USE UR HEAD AND NOT UR HEART…U GOTTA THINK HARD THEN DECIDE…

    heart makes us weak…and its not really gonna work if ur feeling like this…

    u need someone to talk to>? pinkiestbullet@hotmail.com – (d reason am givin u my add is bcuz ive been on the same situation…)

  5. Well, your situation seems to be very normal for a person in love, If there is anything worth saving here it is your own sanity. I don’t see anything wrong in loving a person unconditionally. But the fact that you want him back to see you again differently means that you are expecting something in return. And when you begin to hope for something from a person who doesn’t love you anymore, there’s the chance of you getting terribly hurt and disappointed.

    You can only pray and hope that he realizes that he’s missing something very pure and that’s your love. But other than that, you just have to let him go, he obviously, know what he is doing. I know you care about him but you should not cross your limits in trying to win him back. I honestly think that you have shown your concern in every way possible. You have done your part. Raising the white flag may mean that you have given up on him but it doesn’t mean that you are giving up on love.. Don’t expect the world to change. Live with this fact and just move on with your life without him.

    Let us always remember that we cannot ask someone to love us back. That love is something that we earn because that person wants to love us in return. It is not based on any merit but it happens simply because that’s what he/she wants to do. If our love is not returned then it just means that our love is meant to be shared with someone else. There is no use fighting for someone who is fighting for him/herself to be free.

    Btw, you said that he is a relative of yours?… a cousin maybe?…

    I just hope that you will find happiness in a new relationship you can truly call your own

  6. I think you’re missing the point babe…this is not about him, this is about you. I’m not saying it’s your fault, so please don’t misunderstand me, but you have issues that you need to deal with – issues that have nothing to do with him, and probably everything to do with what happened when your father left. I used to jump from one bad relationship to the next, all of which seemed to end the exact same way…and I didn’t understand it.

    Only when I started to look inside of me, did I finally find the answer. I had issues of my own, and went to see a therapist, here in Kuwait, and she said the same thing: it’s not about this guy you’re dating, or the next one, or the next one. If you don’t work on yourself, and find yourself first and make peace with whatever it is that has affected you that way, you will continue to find yourself in bad situations.

    Chin up 🙂 you’re going to be fine…forget him, start thinking about yourself.

  7. Exactly what II\\//II said. The love needs to be 50/50. I know it will be really hard, but the best thing for you to do is to start moving away from him. He clearly does not want to be with you so it’s futile for you to keep trying. You have to become independent and look for another guy if that’s what you want. There are a lot of fish in the sea.

  8. Baby girl, being nice is boring! that’s what I know! im not saying not to be nice but some point you were being soooo nice to him and giving yourself to him too much would make him stronger and that can control you as well,Listen carefully that guy sounds like me and you sounds like a guy who was also my old bestfriend, he gave me all his and I gave him NOTHING! why ? because I think oh ok he loves me and that means no matter how shit i do or say he would not do anything to harm me but to love me! when I realized that I treated him bad, I tried so many ways to disappear from him why? because I felt bad of how bad I’am with him, so I think that guy feels the same way that you need to move on and find someone who could appreciate your concern!! that was when before but I thank god that I realize I had to change at some point 🙂 here’s the clip >> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PkvBYf7DdHw << you might learn something from the man who gives advice or you can watch the full movie 🙂

  9. I can feel exactly what u are feeling, I’ve been through a similar situation, which also broke my heart. In order to forget (not completely) the person I loved, I had to leave any place where she could be found,, I studied abroad and I’m working on forgetting her just by knowing more people. To me, I got involved in working on a small business with my friends it helped me forget her and a lot of bad stuff,, and,,, this might be weird but I feel comfortable and releived when I read peoples stories ,, I thought it might be a good way to pass the time when I used to think about her..
    Gd luck…

  10. Hi, I really hope you’d take my words into consideration because I care about you. You said that you WEREN’T the kind that went searching for boys, you’ve changed obviously.
    Listen dear, it’s never too late for a fresh new beginning. Take a moment there and think with me, have you ever thought why Allah considered having a relationship with the opposite of sex is a sin?
    My father always tells me that women and men are magnets, the closer you get them together the more they want to be together.
    I’m sure you may look back at the old you and see how innocent you were. Life is so much better when you don’t have all the ‘love’ and ‘relationships’ going on. I’m not saying that life is better without love, no. Everyone needs someone to love, but this isn’t the right way and we both know it.
    A girl is a flower, you are a flower. You’re delicate and precious, don’t degrade yourself by going after your so called ‘lover’. I understand that you may need to feel loved, but you’re not getting it the right way. Man in fact you’re not even getting it.
    Honey, I think it’s time that you consider what you’re actually doing. You’re too good for him, you’re too good for anyone. Bil kwaiti “entay m3aziza mkarima ib baitich, lat’heenen ro7ich wit’theleen ro7ich 3ala shakh9 chithy”.
    What you’re doing is wrong, and it’s ok people make mistakes. But you shouldn’t do the same mistake twice.
    I think you should stop whatever this is, it may be hard at first and it’ll take time. But believe me, everything is going to be okay and you’re going to feel better. Time heals. We learn lessons in life, we may learn them the hard way but eventually we do.
    Until this point, you’re situation is completely fixable. You need to be committed to the change you’re going to do. He’s humiliating you and all humankind knows that this isn’t love.
    I’m really sorry for what you’re going through but you need to have some dignity and know that no one is worth your tears and especially no one like him. You deserve better than that sweetie. And as I’ve said earlier, Allah knows the best. He had his rules setted for a reason that we, human beings, know so little of. If you feel the urge to cry, and have no one to talk to, pray to Allah he hears you. You will get through this, just do the right thing.
    I hope you feel well sweetie x

  11. Im sure your going through the worst time ever.. and its okay to cry and its okay to be sad.

    however, don’t allow yourself to feel this depressed for someone who is not worth your love or care (even if you think he is, he really is not). always remember that he is not the only one for you.. and think of it, imagine you get stuck with him in the future and get married?? you will not have a god life with him if he keeps breaking up with you and going behind your back with other girls, you deserve better and you shouldn’t allow this for yourself..

    there are so many other guys out there.. don’t go looking for love because you wont be able to find it, let it find you.. you will get it from another person when your not searching for it, wait and it will come. i promise 🙂

    I wish you all the best, i suggest working out because it will reduce your stress and make you feel so much better..

  12. Move on , Dont worry ive felt this way before not same situation but a broken heart always feels unmendable but trust me..when that other caring heart comes along will make you forget , just take your mind off it u deserve ALOT better than him and trust me other ppl will treat u better Goodluck

  13. Hii all, I’m the one who wrote the story.

    the one and only skinny freak, II\\//II, it’s gone, bullet, firecracker, yoshe, any1, Elina, A person, emmas, ** on and Meshl , Thnx all of you guys for your comments that really meant a lot to me I kept checking every 5 mins hopping for more, reading your words only moved me to tears.

    Skinny freak u r sooooo right wen I thought about it wen he changed he never called.
    II\\//I what u said about the 50 50 thing is so true but I didn’t do it with him I shall learn from my mistakes and what it’s gone said about me giving 99% I’d say that I gave 99.9% without being exaggerated but he dos not deserve that.

    bullet thnx a lot for ur offer I really need to talk about it some times and I did add u.

    firecracker thnx aloooooot and yes he’s a cousin.

    yoshe actually I do know that the thing that happened effected me but not in this relation ship, there are some details I haven’t wrote just to save time, these details would show how naïve he is and I’m soooo sure more than I’m sure of my name that the problem in this relation ship is cased by him only, w I’d never misunderstand u thnxx a lot for ur advices ;D .

    Elina, if I keep on thanking u the whole day, it would not be enough, the video is the best thing ever ! If u have more similar videos plz plz post them ! Thnx aloot .

    person, I’ll di same as u inshalla .

    emmas, intay li 7achi 2 wiyach ! I’m fooling in love all over again kila mnich, but this time with !! , walla gret klamich w bchet jd mn galbich, 7setich i5ty il kbera aw 7ta omi, waaaayid waaayid mshkora, w akeeeed alla mamna3 hal shay ila lah ikma sb7ana, hl mara kan 8a9bin 3lay, bs inshalla never again ;*

    ** on, klamik 9a7 my life would be miserable if that happened I’m sure, thnx a lot ur words relly tuched me.

    Meshl, I hope wen I get married inshalla my husband would b that kind of guy u r talking about.

    I know I repeated thnx a lot, and I’m sorry guys if I was boring but It really really helped me ;D

    And one more thing, till this day I can’t sleep I want to and I try a lot but still I can’t and it’s really harming me if some one have a selotion plz let me know it ? The same with food !

  14. “the greatest thing you’ll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return”
    –so work on moving forward, bettering yourself. Don’t cry about him, and don’t look for anybody else. When someone truly worthy of your love comes by, you will be amazed. More than you ever were. And you’ll be able to enjoy the beauty that is to be loved in return, because you deserve it when you are willing to love so unconditionally.
    Patience, dear, it will happen. 🙂

  15. Hi Pink Rose.
    I’m really sorry to hear about what you had to face and go through; It’s very harsh and I can’t imagine what you’ve felt. I apologize.
    But you know; you’ve taken this problem head-on. You’ve faced your problem; and you did what was right. He didn’t deserve a lovely person like you. As you have said..and many others have too..You gave him much more than he gave you..And that’s just wrong in every way. But you know..You’ve been Brave. You’ve learned to live on..And you’re making progress in moving on. Because..To be honest..you don’t need someone like him in your life..You’re much better without him. =) And you know what..What everyone is saying..Is very true; Just Give Love A Chance to find you..Don’t try so hard to look for it. I understand how sometimes we can feel beaten down to the ground..And feel hopeless. But whenever I feel this way..I just try to remember that; with renewed Faith and Belief in God, and just remembering that Hope Never Dies..That everything will be okay InshAllah. =)
    I really hope to God that InshAllah you feel much better. And You Go Girl..Live Your Life..Move On..Have Fun..Smile. Have The Time of your life!
    You know..I once watched on the Oprah Winfrey Show..A Guest said “Always remember that there’s someone in the World..Who’s Life is a little worse than yours.” – By facing Life..You’re essentially showing that you have the Courage and Bravery and Strength Of Will..To not allow things get in your way..No matter how small or big they are. And you’ve been doing this. I really admire your strong-willed spirit.
    Oh and about your Food And Sleep. I’m not the best to give advice on this. But..Whenever I can’t fall asleep..I always try to do something which makes me a little sleepy. Like Reading A Book in Bed..Or Browsing the Web. What really relaxes me..Is if I have something on my Mind..And I just pray..It relieves me a lot. You should try perhaps changing your diet too. Maybe try a new Salad every day..Or change what you eat completely.
    I Hope To God..That InshAllah Things Get Better. You Deserve Kil 5air In Life. Allah Yisahil 2omoorich InshAllah..Ou Yi5aliich Daayman InshAllah. Please Take Care InshAllah. =)

    • Walla ur words gave me even more hope and strength, I hope and know that the bad feelings will go with time passing by, I always say it’s ok or I’ll be ok although there is a little painful feelings behind it, now I’m much closer to my mam il7imdilla, but still not fine inside, all of u guys just b careful wen u’re in love and u started to feel that something is wrong don’t deny it, first feelings are always true, and don’t be blinded by ur love and lot ur love hold u from the right thing to do, unfortunately I’ve learned that the hard way.

  16. If I were a boy, I swear I’d do my best to know who you are, cause if any one deserves my love it would be someone that has a heart just like yours, honey be sure that alla will give you some one better than him for your patient with him, I’m so good at analyzing personalities, I can tell from your writing for the story and your comments here and on the other subjects, how white is your heart, this guy not only don’t deserve you but he also have no luck at all for losing you, live your life normally, he have harmed you more than enough don’t harm your self more because of him, and BTW he is the player kind, live you life normally eventually some lucky guy will notice how clean you are from inside.

    Good luck 7bebti ;*

  17. 7yatii intay wallaa !! He’s still annoying me like just right now he missed me or I dnt know what to call it actually, but thnx 2 ur words I’m much stronger, and I’ll not fall 4 him again, not to hide I feel empty inside I do need to feel loved but I’m holding my self thnx HAN and thnx 2 all of u guys

  18. my friend PRose,
    in this world, there are givers, and there are receivers (takers sounds kinda harsh). givers have a higher capacity to love and express love, and in return would like to be treated in a certain way. unfortunately, their kindness, which is their greatest weapon, is a double edged sword, as it can also be used against them. givers give without expecting something in return, but it would be nice to receive something.

    you my friend, are a giver. what someone said about love being 50-50, great. let me elaborate, pardon this analogy; its like fishing, for both sexes (i know women dont usually go fishing, but bear with me). you throw your line and wait, something bites, if you pull too hard, the rope breaks, you lose the fish and “part of you” (the bait), you have to tense, and relax, give, and take.

    so, love, is about putting a little piece of you out there i.e. your heart, and giving and pulling. one person cannot show all the love in a relationship. no matter how much they love the other, its like, i take one step, you take one step. or 2:1, there has to be a ratio, but not 2:0.

    that does not seem reasonable to givers; why can we not show our love from the get-go? the sad truth is, as we both discovered, there are those who will use us, and discard us.

    trust me when i say, sidj, eli ra7 y7ebek tkun uma d3yala.

    and also know this, sometime down the line, maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, your cousin will wake up and feel an incredible sense of loss. he will not know why it is, but he will remember that he hurt someone who loved him dearly, and by that time, you would have embarked upon your own love story, which i guarantee you will have nothing but happiness for you.

    bad people have a conscience too, and it will eat away at him.

    love is plentiful in this world; as this post shows, you will find fares a7lamich, and he will be the luckiest guy on earth.

    so smile 🙂

  19. @ hopeless romantic

    I’ve read ur comment 3 times and the smile wouldn’t wash away as I was reading it walllaaa u made my day 😀

    I can’t fined words to say after what u have said, you’ve said it all right and complete, now I guess me and u my friend have learned not to give what’s more than normal, and never give wen u r not receiving.

    Ili knt t7ibha makanat tstaahil bithab6 nafs ili ana 7betah, w I know very well y u can’t forget her till now, that’s the result of true love u dnt evet forget.

    bs ana mtakdaa ina il 6ayben alla yarzighom bili a6yab so, I’m not searching it will come sina, sinten, inshalla 3 bs it will come, w hopefully my husband not boyfriend, u should do the same save ur love to the person that you’ll live you hole life with, dnt lose more pieces of ur self for other girls.

    Hopefully u fined ur princes to 😉

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s